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My story starts after many years of irregular periods and doctors saying I will need help getting pregnant. After about 6 months of dating my boyfriend I found out I was pregnant. We shared the news with only the closest of friends and family. Obviously someone found out from outside the circle that must have been jealous, because this is where the shaming really begins. Now I am a 34 going on 35 year old woman and this happened about 2 1/2 yrs ago. My boyfriend and I are still together and living with each other. Whoever started this got pictures off of my Facebook, even one that was with a friend of mine who is a teacher (female), and posted them to a disgusting and terrible website. The website is named thedirty.com, one I had never even heard of cause there is no reason for me to. Posted a nasty story about me and my pregnancy with a "random" guy and several pictures of me and my friend on a holiday. Now there's no pictures of me out there that are even close to being distasteful, so this anonymous person, who is a coward, looks like an idiot because the pictures were actually nice and tasteful. Yet the website still let this person post this story and pictures and there was nothing and I mean nothing I could do about it. Because my photos are not copyrighted anyone can put them anywhere, I guess. After even contacting the website, they said there's nothing they can do about taking down the pictures or even the story and for me to "not be dirty." I wish that there was anything I could do to take this website and its proprietor down because this man is making millions on another person's shaming and doesn't care about the lives of the people his website is hurting. After being contacted by several people saying they saw this about me, my anxiety was through the roof and whether or not it caused it, I unfortunately suffered a miscarriage. I know that everything that was written in the story was not even close to the truth and the people that know me know that. I didn't even try to give this person the luxury of responding and defending myself because that would only make matters worse. So I guess after a couple years of not looking at the website and what was being said about me, I know it didn't go away but it's still in my past and on the Internet and that's the scariest of things. I'm afraid of trying for a new job because if my future employer googles my name, this website pops up and that's shameful each and every time I think about it. This will possibly keep me from future endeavors and I would love help finding the person who started this about me and get justice for myself and all the others who have been shamed on this website. I would love to be able to take down the owner of the site, get answers and keep him from ever making another penny from it!
I hope that this helps someone out there, because I always feel so alone in this personal struggle.10/24/2019
When I was 17 I sent nude pictures and a video of myself touching myself to a boy I was mad about. At first I had no idea that he had kept these videos, we were on good terms and still talking. It wasn't until I started saying no to his requests that he started blackmailing me. And that's when he showed the pictures/videos to all the boys and girls in my school year and below. I literally hated my life. I could feel the whispers in the halls, read the tweets and even some people said it to my face, 'What did you expect? You were a slut.' Oh I'm sorry, but what was sent, was sent in trust. And lets not forget his constant begging and all the videos and pictures I received. People don't realise how much the word 'slut' hurts. Girls harm/kill themselves over things like this! I only really realized the other day why I sent these things in the first place: he was giving me attention. And me, lacking in confidence, jumped at the chance to please him. It's over a year later, and I still think about this boy everyday, probably because its still brought up on social media and at social occasions. He has since apologized but that still doesn't help the cloud of worry that hangs over my head. I'm hoping that someday this will be a distant memory and lesson. I also hope that this helps someone out there, because I always feel so alone in this personal struggle. I try to be positive about this situation. If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have realized how strong I am.
When I was 11, I sent my first naked picture. I can't exactly remember why I didn't it, but it wasn't that bad. I sent it to someone that I had trusted, and he kept that trust - as far as I know. The bullying didn't start until 2014, when I was 12. I sent a picture of my "ass" to someone. I sent it because he'd shown me a picture of another girl, and I wanted to impress him. He respected me, but deep down I knew it would get into the wrong hands. I should've known not to trust somebody who sent me someone else's pictures. He sent it to someone who disliked me, and they posted it on my social media, which luckily wasn't linked to any of my family or school friends as it was just for "online friends." You'd think after that I would learn, right? I didn't. I met this guy online, we'll call him B, it was August 2014 and he was 18. I told him I was 16 because I didn't want him to judge me by my age, and I really liked him. We started to date and we really hit it off. After a month into the relationship we had a sexual conversation. I didn't mind. I told him I was turned on and masturbating, and he said "proof." I sent two pictures. Now I had sent three inappropriate pictures to strangers on the internet. B and I broke up; it was a bad break up. We had an argument and I couldn't take it anymore, so, and I quote, I told him to "go fuck a goat." This made him mad. He told me I didn't want to mess with him, but I did. He spread my pictures. Again, luckily, not getting to my family nor my school friends. I find myself repeating myself, but by now you'd think, "Ah she's learnt her lesson, she'll be fine." Oh no. God no. It hasn't even started yet. Since the pictures got spread, I started to lose respect for myself and my body everyday. Every time someone would say something insulting about the pictures, my self esteem would drop lower until I felt unwanted and unloved. People called me "easy" and "slut" and I started to believe it. By 2015, I'd sent more naked pictures than I can count. And I am not proud.
My 13th birthday was January 5th 2015, and my granddad had died 4 days before. I was going through a very hard time. I met another guy online, this time he was 20. We'll call him L. L helped me get through this time, but it was not long before he started asking for more than an innocent relationship. He started asking for pictures, he'd also ask for "Skype sex," which is when he masturbates on webcam, and so do I. I did it. Little did I know, L recorded it. He also saved every picture and video I sent him. He used it against me. I gave him my password to my Facebook account, and it was the same password for all of my other accounts. I was so stupid. He found a chat I'd had with a guy while we were dating and he overreacted. I can remember having to shower that night but I couldn't because L was threatening me. He wouldn't let me go and by then I was in tears. He told me to call him so I did. L told me he had my parents' contact details and that he would tell them all about their "precious little daughter." I knew these were empty threats but they still upset me. I couldn't stop crying and I begged L to stop. "I'll do anything, please." I remembering crying into my phone. He finally calmed down and I remember him saying something about loving him and I agreed. I was now in a long distance relationship I couldn't get out of. He had my passwords, he had my family (which I later found out to be not true, but I still was scared in case he really did), and he had naked pictures and videos of me. I broke up with him finally in the middle of February, and I met M. M helped me get away from L, but L warned me about M, telling me M was worse than him. I didn't listen. But I should've listened. M and I had a long distance relationship on and off for 3 months. He cheated on me and I broke up with him. He begged for me back and I forgave him, stupidly. A few weeks later I broke up with him again because we argued too much. He attempted being nice to me to get me back, and I think he realised this didn't work. He became really nasty. He had a picture of my boobs that he could use against me. He also had my sister's Twitter username. He told me I had to cut "M" into my wrist and take a picture of it and send it to him, otherwise he would send the nude to my sister. I did the self harm. M wanted more. He attempted to force me into having a relationship and I wasn't going to do that again. I decided I would rather die. So that's what I did. The next morning, after M had messaged my sister, I read the messages. She didn't believe the picture was me. I felt relieved. Yet I still couldn't face her and I still wanted to die. I overdosed on painkillers that day, 14th April 2015, the day I could've died. My sister found me when she came home from her study group. My mum was also home and I don't know what happened because I was unconscious and it's all a blur really. I had to spend 3 days in hospital, I had to be assessed without them asking for my consent, and I had to see a psychiatric doctor (who is lovely and I still see today), to discuss my treatment and also why I did it. I now am on the waiting list for therapy, I have a family that understands, I have really supportive friends that know a bit of what happened, and I can honestly say I'm becoming happier. I need to work on some things but I'm getting better. And I can also honestly say, no more nudes to random strangers online!!! Your diary entries really helped me, knowing that your younger brain worked the same way as mine once did, and still does at times. Thank you. - Holly My story doesn't start in school. It doesn't start anywhere physical in fact. This was a form of cyber-bullying. Extreme cyber-bullying. Most say that cyber-bullying is easy to stop and it doesn't exist. Not this, because believe me, I tried. I was 12 when it started. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I became part of an online community and everyone was older than me. I lied about my age and said I was 15, I didn't want to be treated as a minority because of my age. As I kept the lie going I figured I'd have to act like a 15 year old girl would do, and I had a 15 year old sister, so I started watching her closely to see how she acts. I went to the extreme of going through her phone chats. I saw that she'd sent nude pictures of herself to her ex-boyfriend, and I was only trying to be like her. Someone asked me for a nude picture, and because I didn't want to be different, I sent it. I thought it'd be okay, I thought it would never come up again. Oh how wrong I was. The guy I had sent it to spread it, and someone that got hold of it had a very big grudge against me. He posted it for everyone to see. I wasn't bothered because it was only my butt, and you see them everyday, but I was labelled as "easy." I started to believe it. I started to believe I was easy.
I got into a long distance relationship with an 18 year old, he didn't know I was 12 at the time, he thought I was 15 almost 16. He asked to see a picture of my vagina. I sent it. When we broke up, he leaked the picture, and I didn't think that would still be haunting me, but I still get people coming up to me and quoting the caption (it was sent via snapchat). It really knocked my confidence, so I sent naked pictures of myself a lot, just to feel good about myself. It was a way of coping, it helped me stop cutting. It went too far one day. A boy found my sister's twitter account. He started threatening me and blackmailing me. I couldn't take it. He sent my sister a nude of me and I didn't take it well. That day I tried to kill myself. I couldn't face the fact that I was a "slut." That I sent pictures of myself when I was 12-13. I couldn't face it anymore. Everything had built up so I did it. I overdosed on painkillers. I'm still 13, it has been 2 months since I overdosed and I am getting better. I have psychiatric sessions every month and I'm on the waiting list for therapy. I also must say that Wattpad has helped me a lot too. It made me feel less lonely in a way. It makes me happy. I no longer think badly about myself. I no longer send naked pictures of myself to strangers. I no longer believe that I'm "easy." People change. And I'm glad I did. From the very start I used to be with boys and was not fond of girls. I hated to chatter about boys all day so, I found a special place in this guy gang. I was the favourite one of the boys, which made other girls jealous. They started calling me as a hoe and start to spread rumors about my sexual life. I ignored all and moved forward in life. I was in 10th grade and was doing perfectly fine when one of my friends asked me out, he used to be the crush of my only girl friend. It was kinda weird to go out with this guy. My friend forced and convinced me that this guy is a gem of a person and as a result I went out with this guy. It was all good so we decided to continue our meetings. I started feeling the connection between us and then the day come when he asked for my nudes (nude pictures). I wasn't comfortable with this thing so I rejected, this thing continued for like 1 month. He started to threaten me that he would leave if I wouldn't provide him with nudes, it was kinda my best relationship and wanted to save that but nudes were not my thing. One afternoon, we were at my home and were just relaxing and we decided to take our relationship a step forward but all of a sudden he got a call from one of his friends and he left. After 4 days we broke up and I convinced myself that he wasn't the guy I deserve. He spread rumors in the whole school stating that he had my nudes, my friends started to boycott me, people stared at me and called me a hoe. But? As I was aware that karma leaves no one spare, he flunked 11th grade twice, he used to be my senior and now I am his senior. To all the girls who are reading this? You're beautiful and you don't need a guy to tell you that, just play safe. Choose a person wisely, not every person out there deserves your attention. - Mugdha Dhingra
Hello, I was a victim of rape when I was 19 and I was molested as a child. Growing up, I was happy go lucky. Then in high school, my junior year, I was so depressed and wanted to kill myself. I had a suicide attempt. I was talking to a guy I met online. Because I never met a guy in my small town that I liked. (I would never recommend meeting someone online, you don't know.) At the time, being 17, I was so lonely and I never felt worthy of a man's love. So I was always looking for it in the wrong places. Anyways, junior year was going great, I just won court warming princess at school and I was talking to a "great" guy. He kept asking me to take a picture without a shirt on. He kept threatening me that he would kill my family. Well I took one with my bra on. He sold it to a porn site, and he was not the age he said he was. I was cat fished. Sent me in a depressed spiral, I had so much anxiety. I wanted to disappear. I went to counseling after that and got help. Then when I was 19, I was going down a dangerous road. I met another guy on a dating site. He seemed harmless. So I thought. I went to his house, where I thought we were just going to watch a movie. Instead he violently raped me. I was so emotional and hurt physically and mentally. I went to the police 3 days later, and I didn't have enough evidence against the prick so they could not press charges. I felt like the legal system let me down. I got help though for that. I don't let rape define who I am. I am not a victim anymore, I am a survivor. I was called a lying slut by people after it happened. He told many people and so did my so called friends. No one ever deserves to get raped! I don't care what you do for work, what type of person you are, where you come from. NO means NO. I now let the negative people that called me those names out of my life. Through many months of counseling, I learned I am a strong women. And I could battle anything that comes my way. I am now in a healthy relationship and I turned my life around. I talk about what happened to me so people learn from my mistakes. And I explain about cyber bullying. I would love to talk to larger groups one day. No one is a slut. It's a disgusting, meaningless word. Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, you can't judge them or give them a label. Everyone can battle what they have been through. - Survivor.Not.A.Victim.
When I was younger I felt like the only reason I ever got anybody's attention was because I was "active", (Obviously that's what was happening). No matter how promiscuous someone is, no means no. One night during freshman year my best friend and I had gotten drunk and walked to the high school to watch another friend of ours play volleyball. My phone had been vibrating off the hook with texts from my mom who was pissed I wasn't at home babysitting like I was supposed to be. Eventually I turned to my best friend and told her I needed to go home before I got in huge trouble, and since she wanted to stay and watch, I started to walk home. A little down the street I got a text from this guy I had been crushing on for YEARS. He said he was driving by and asked if I needed a ride home. I said yes. Mostly for my sake, I try not to remember how that night went down, and I ALWAYS remind myself how stupid it was to invite him over. But I honestly did just want to hang out with him. He was a popular guy, and I thought maybe if I could hang with him, I could hang with the others. Except he had other plans. And I spent the next week in the counsellors office, missing all my classes and talking to a certain police officer (I never got to thank him, I certainly would have). But I didn't want to have sex with him, and even though I can't remember everything that happened, I do remember saying no. And I do remember trying to push him off me. And it shouldn't matter that I invited him into my home, because I said no. A few weeks later I found out I was not the only girl it had happened to, and because I came out and told, so did a few others. About the same time as his trial (he was found guilty on all counts) a friend of his messaged me and told me that I was just an ugly slut who got mad when he didn't want anything more than sex. My inbox was bombarded with messages from his friends calling me all sorts of things. So when I showed the police officer, he told me to ignore it, because I knew it wasn't true, and they knew it wasn't true but were in denial. But I still carved 'ugly' into my thigh because that's the only part that stuck with me. And every couple of months I still go over it with a razor because it feels right. Though it's been almost 6 years, I see him around town and I'm instantly taken back to that 13 year old year and I can't help but feel helpless and weak.
I'm 25 years old, and I've been with the same guy for over a decade (our 11th anniversary is in four days, May 28th). Despite the fact that I've been with the same guy since I was fourteen years old and have never been with anyone else, I still get called a slut on a regular basis. Men hit on me, shout sex obscenities at me, demand my phone number, ask me how much I charge, motorboat me, pinch my ass, cajole me to break up with my boyfriend so I can fuck them instead, and then call ME a slut when I say 'no'. People look at how large my breasts are and call me a whore, and tell me that obviously I must be looking for sexual attention and fishing for compliments, or else I would cover up more. Complete strangers feel entitled to asking me personal details about myself (What's my bra size? Do I have breast implants? How many women have I been with? Will I have a threesome with him and his girlfriend? Do I wear thongs? What color are my panties? Do I prefer my boyfriend to cum on my face, tits or ass? What's my favorite position?), and then get offended and accuse me of asking for it just by existing. I've lost count at this point of the number of men who have sent me unwanted dick pics or told me that I look horny, look like a slut, look like I enjoy anal sex, or obviously want their sexual attention just based on the structure of my face, or my profile picture on Facebook. As I type this there is a guy messaging me on Facebook who has been spamming sexual comments at me for half an hour, but then had the audacity to tell me that if I don't want to receive such comments from him, then I should stop wearing tank tops/bathing suits/skirts/shorts/dresses and just wear turtlenecks and pants everywhere. I'm so sick of it. I just want to be able to wear a tank top and shorts in the summer without getting harassed. I want to go to a pool party without men motor boating me. I want to log onto Facebook without having dick pics spammed at me. I want to turn on my cell phone without men threatening to call the cops on my boyfriend unless I give them nude pictures of myself. I want to go on the Internet or play a game online without men calling me a slut and telling me to suck their dick and make them a sandwich. But that's not going to happen in my lifetime. - Holly Hayes
I was in a long distance relationship with someone and I had sent some nude pics. When I went there to see if we could make things work, things didn't click and I assumed we broke off on good terms... It turns out he wasn't a great person. We are/were both in the military and he was part of the sexual assault scandal at Lackland Air Force Base. I didn't find out until I found out my pictures were posted online and I did some digging so I could find him online to get in contact with him. It was September 2013 when I found out... I wanted to die... especially because it was a couple guys who I had worked with who found the pictures. Now, May 2015, they still haunt me because even though I requested my pictures to be removed from the original site they were posted on, they were reblogged countless other times. You can't get away from it. I didn't consent to the world seeing my body. I know now it's something I have to live with, but it doesn't mean that the horror of seeing my naked body on the internet doesn't sicken me or cause anxiety for what it could mean for my future. - Liz
Hello, my name is Estrella Adiana Hernandez. I'm from Tucson, AZ. When I heard about this program I was so happy that someone noticed us girls who were shamed for trusting the one we loved with a personal picture. I was just 14 when I had my first boyfriend. I trusted him enough to send him a nude picture. Just because I didn't have sex with him, this guy put my nude picture on Facebook. My life is hell. Everyone in Tucson and on Facebook knows who I am. I keep telling myself, "Who's gonna love a girl who is all over the Internet? Who's gonna want to marry someone who's been called a slut?" Lord knows how many people think I've been with everyone because of one picture. I never thought someone could make a girl feel so dirty. That she don't want to live anymore. I've even been bullied when I was in 8th grade by my ex boyfriend. He abused me so bad. I've been in and out of suicidal institutions. I learned how to love myself and someday, a mature guy will ask me to be his wife and I will be happy but till then, life is hell... Hopefully this project gets through to some guys out there because everyday we are losing girls who are sick of life. Thank you for building this project. I am so thankful. - Estrella Adiana Hernandez
My name is Koriander. My pen name is Codename Sailor Earth. And I am not ashamed to be her. If you Google my maiden name, which was "Koriander Ake", you will likely see a page called "Encyclopedia Dramatica" and you will see a poorly photoshopped picture of a penis on my face. The trouble all started when I posted a video on YouTube, of a CGI girl dancing. I was using the software MikuMikuDance and I had edited a model someone sent me of Hatsune Miku. Since I love Miku and I love Hello Kitty, I re-dressed her in a Hello Kitty outfit, and did a three minute animation of her dancing. Two weeks later, I started getting death threats, because the model my friend had sent me, was made by some blogger named "Saboten". Never heard of Saboten before, but once the video was up, Saboten posted a hate blog against me, calling me an evil woman. Saboten played the victim card and encouraged his fans to shame me. After that, I started getting harassing and threatening emails from a 4th grade algebra teacher, calling himself "Damesukekun". He and his friends started posting all kinds of lies about me, and three times since 2010, Damesukekun has made fake copyright claims against my website and even photos of my face, claiming he had the right to my image. I had to fight a DMCA claim, because a total stranger is trying to claim a right to my face. Soon, Encyclopedia Dramatica had a hate shrine devoted to me, and members started trashing me everywhere, and they even went so far as to stalk my mom and brother. After that, they hacked my ODesk page, and posted my now deceased grandfather's home address as my own, claiming I posted this as my address, and that I deserve to die and be raped for the evil I am. I lost three job offers because potential employers Googled my name and saw the hate. One woman actually told me that if I'm this much of a "dirty slut" then maybe I deserve it and should hang myself. She was fired not long after this, but the damage was done. While this is going on, another group on Facebook found out I love wrestling, and found out I have friends who are pro wrestlers. Next thing I know, all of us are getting tagged in gay pornography photos. While reporting the pictures to Facebook, I got hacked, and two men posed as me, two via my account and a new account on Facebook, and one on DeviantArt, and the three men started tagging my entire family in pornography under my name, and then harassing my friends on the two websites. And yes, I've been slut-shamed also because of my addiction to video games. If I'm not a "slut" because I love Nintendo, then I'm called one for playing "the wrong game" or for enjoying playing a game that "TCH only REAL MEN like, NOT guuuurls" and yes, I've been called names I can't even type here, just because I'm pretty good at Street Fighter. Nothing quite like being called a "whore" by a 10 year old boy on XBOX Live.
Since 2010, I have had strangers harass me, slut shame me, post lies about me, and attack my family and friends. Each time, I have gone to FBI and Police officers, only to be told it's my fault, that I never deserved the right to post my name online, and I deserve and asked for what I got, despite the fact that the two states I lived in while this was going on ~ Kentucky and Indiana ~ actually do have decent laws against this level of harassment. Our laws are fine. But finding officers who will enforce them is a nightmare. Nothing like feeling slut shamed by both male and female officers, simply because they didn't want to help me, nor did they understand the internet. In 2013, I worked for a wrestling company here in Kentucky known as PWF. We had three bookers, all three of which never treated me as their equal, or even as what I was, the wife of the promoter, their boss. I was always put down, because I'm a woman, which automatically makes me a "whore" despite the fact that my husband is the only person I've ever gone to bed with. On my wedding day, my now husband kept getting texts from his third booker, begging him to back out of marrying me, because I'm a ball and chain. After we were married, I had a falling out with that last booker, and he threatened to spread a rumor on Facebook that I had slept with five different wrestlers, three of which I have never met before, and the other two I only know on Facebook, just because we had a fight. Of the other two bookers? One posted a slander video against my husband and three other people who fired him, the other eventually backed off, when he realized I was no longer going to act as a free babysitter to his kids. While I have had wrestlers show me respect, and it isn't hard to find a few that appreciate a woman's advice, these three bookers felt that my plumbing made me inadequate as an adviser, or even as a friend. I've had people on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, DeviantArt and Tumblr try to tear me down and slut shame me. And yes, having non-stop harassment from people you don't even know DOES affect you. You start to wonder if you even deserve a place in this world, when so many people attack you. I'm not ashamed to tell you I've cried, I've screamed, and I am not at all afraid to tell you I thought of suicide before. But stopping me was the love of my now husband, at the time, "BFF" John, who made me see the value in living as myself, despite everyone's best efforts. My husband was originally my best friend on MySpace, and the first person, and many times only man, who really had my back each time I was hacked and doxxed. He stuck by me, even when his own friends wanted him to abandon me. And through his support, and the support of true friends and my mom, I realize that I never should have been worried about how the world will see me. The older I get, the more absurd this all seems to me, and the less the taunting bugs me. I can get angry at the comments, but I realize now that the people who slut shame really don't have lives. In fact, I pity them, for this is all the fame they can ever see. So let them tell lies. Let them slut-shame. These people can't amount to anything, so this hate is all they have to live for, and nothing more. So without another thought, I can say with pride, I am Koriander Bullard. I was once Koriander Ake. I am Codename Sailor Earth. And I am not ashamed to be her. I am 15 years old and when I was 13, a boy in the older year level at my school decided he wanted to show everyone a picture of someone's boobs he found on the internet and told everyone it was me. I found out the hard way. He sent it to people and then the whole school found out before I did. As a younger student of the school, I didn't want to be known as a baby and go cry about it to the teachers, so I kept quite about it and didn't even tell my parents. I felt ashamed, even though the girl in the photo was not me. If anyone said anything about it to me, all I would say was "It's not me." Not having anyone to speak to was a really hard thing. I have friends but I didn't want to bring it up with anyone. After time, one of the teachers came to me about it. They obviously tried to keep it under control, so I didn't take it to the police and get the teachers a bad reputation. To this day I am still waiting for the apology letter the school told me I would get from this boy. Nothing happened to him and he got away with it all. I really wish I knew at the time that I could have taken it to someone, because he didn't get any type of punishment for trying to get me a reputation as "the school slut." - Alice
When I was 11, I started to experiment with make-up at school due to the images of females I grew up with by watching movies, TV and reading in magazines. It started with a little dab of eye shadow, some lip gloss and wearing a tank top (in the summer). I was quickly called a slut and a whore; yet I had never even kissed a boy! Let me tell you, it was confusing and hurtful for my 11 year old self to put together. Kids can be incredibly mean, nasty and terrorizing. I was simply a preteen wearing things I saw on TV and in magazines, yet I was shamed, humiliated and degraded by my peers. It was also my first taste to cyber-bullying back in 2000 with nasty, and threatening e-mails from an e-mail 'laurasucks45@hotmail.com', I still remember how scared, shocked and hurt I was and how the 'lead' bully called me a 'horr' because she could not properly spell whore. These experiences have turned me into an advocate against bullying. In university I volunteered for a on-campus group and taught an in-school children's conflict resolution and anti-bullying group and I also mentored a group of at risk preteens in an after-school program. - Laura Scott
Last year, I witnessed two cases of sexual bullying and slut shaming. The first case was around February when a girl who used to study in the same school as me and my friends sent a video of her taking her clothes off to her boyfriend who would later break up with her and spread the video all around our community. Soon enough, all kids from all private schools in the city had the video. I knew it was all wrong. That was her body, not ours and if she wanted to share a video with her boyfriend it was perfectly okay. Sadly, not everyone was as open minded about the video as I was. Despite the fact that the girl was not my friend, I felt the urge to help her. Of course, then I did not know that by sharing the video and posting it on Facebook and many other websites they were guilty for spreading child pornography. Still, I wanted to help her but, sadly, I never got the chance to because I closed my Facebook account and I had no way to contact her in any way whatsoever. The other case happened around May. My friend (let's call her Annie) exchanged sexts with a guy from her classroom (let's call him Eric) and he asked for pictures of her boobs over the bra in exchange for dick pics, but what she didn't know was that she was tricked. His nudes were fake while hers were real. Annie had been sexually bullied for a while because she was D cup and had a conventionally hot body. When she sent the boob pics, the guy she sent them to sent them to a friend who sent them to another two friends and so it goes on. The bullying started on social media. People were starting to send her degrading messages and, later, they started sexually harassing her. I tried to help in every way possible. Since she is my friend, I could easily contact her so I started sending her anonymous messages of hope. Now we're all in eighth grade and she was still recovering. Everything seemed to be all right with her, except it was not. I checked her ask.fm to get a little hint of what was happening. Someone had sent her a message that said "Send me a picture of your big ass." I was immediately disgusted by it and I wanted to throw that person off a cliff, sadly, ask.fm is and will remain to be anonymous. The next day, she shocked me with something even worse than that. Turns out one of the guys in Eric's gang decided that it was a good idea to pinch her butt without her consent. I was upset and I wanted to report it but she told me that it didn't matter because she was used to it. It is sad to see that my generation is just as rotten as any other generation.
Today is the eighth anniversary of my rape. Some years are harder than others. This year has been exceptionally hard. I've always been the type of person to accommodate other people. So in the aftermath of my attack, it wasn't all that surprising that I let myself be talked into/bullied into letting my best friend continue to invite my rapist's friends to our joint birthday party. I'd bring it up, of course, how uncomfortable it made me, but to no avail. There were my tears, that didn't seem to matter to her. Because, after all, it was a party. And I should have fun. It was a standing rule that our party was an open invite to the world. It never seemed to matter that I had this crippling fear that my rapist would show up at my birthday. This year my friend decided that a girl was 'black-balled' (as she put it) from the party because she was 'an alcoholic who ruined her fun' at the party in years past. I balked. It was, simply, unfair. A child's word. My gut reaction. Unfair. Couldn't she see it? The ridiculousness, the callousness of it all? So I built up my courage for two weeks post-declaration from my friend and invited her to dinner. And I asked about her comment. And then asked if she saw any ironies between the alcoholic friend - and my rapist's friends. and she told me I was 'making her feel shitty.' That I was unfair. That she thought I was over it by now - and that she didn't think it would even be an issue anymore. She'd only invited me to throw the party with her out of pity, really, because what if no one came to celebrate my birthday if it was just a thing for me? When I said I didn't think I could continue on with the party after this year, she replied simply 'okay.' I sat in my car afterwards and cried for an hour, realizing that my friend had chosen a party over me, realizing that she had done it seven years ago - but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I realized we would grow apart after the talk - but I wasn't prepared for the fallout of standing up for myself. In the subsequent months, I've been dropped by our entire friend circle. Unfriended on Facebook. Unfollowed on Instagram. Outright ignored in public and no longer to invited to anything by the people I used to see multiple times a week for over ten years. The girl who was my best friend for thirteen years told these people about my rape (people that I had NEVER told) and how I'd 'overreacted' about the party. She was the fun one, after all. I ran into a guy that I used to speak with on a daily basis, who told me 'This is awkward. It's uncomfortable to see you - and I don't know what to do.' I'm treated as a pariah. No one tells you what the cost is for standing up for yourself when you're little. All they say is 'Stand up for yourself. Do the right thing.' But sometimes, you do the right thing - and you lose everything. And it feels like all you ever have is loss. I try to remind myself that I would rather be alone than to be surrounded by people who would put me in situations that compromise my physical/emotional well being. But some days are harder than others. I'm grateful for forums like these. - Andrea
Never in my life have I been branded a 'slut' or a 'whore' or 'bitch'. Nothing like that - because my mother would've found out and definitely put a stop to it. Sure, I have been bullied, but not like that. Because I live in such a small town - everyone in my year have known each other since we were born. It isn't a bad thing, but it isn't a good one either. When I was 16, I had no friends. This was because I was the new kid, and everyone had formed friendships at least over 10 years before I came. Half-way into the year I met a girl (let's call her Evelyn) and we quickly became very good friends. She was pretty, nice, had lovely friends, and was really popular. I was set. In October we were invited to a Halloween party. This wasn't uncommon, but exciting. We arrived and immediately I knew that it felt wrong. I wanted to leave but Evelyn wanted to stay. So I shut my mouth and did as I was told. When everyone around me was tipsy at about midnight, they formed a circle. Evelyn had been making out with a hot guy, and he stopped and threw her into the middle of the circle. They started to remove her clothing, one piece at a time, all whilst calling her names. Disgusting names were called out and spat in her face. Eventually I got through the crowd and took her home. On Monday, everyone had seen the video. Of them taking her clothes off. Of her naked. She was called a slut by her own best friends. Evelyn took her own life a month later. Please, don't slut shame. It is wrong. And if you are a victim, please tell someone so they can help you. If you see it happening, try to help. This needs to be stopped, because it is wrong and disgusting. - Lily Faulkner
My story may be found to be different than most others on this website, but I could not pass up an opportunity to share one of the most important events that has shaped me into the woman I am now. I was in middle school when the name calling started. Slut, whore, hoe, etc. were all things I was used to hearing my name associated with. It was strange, however, because until the 9th grade I had never even done anything but kiss a boy. I am a cheerleader, dancer and very outgoing. All of which brought on jealousy from other girls and sexual thoughts from the boys. However, this is not what I was aiming for. My passion was cheerleading and just because I wore a tight skirt or liked to dance at parties did not make me a "whore". What supposedly did make me a "whore" was the casual sex I enjoyed having throughout my junior and senior year of high school. I stayed safe, used protection and always knew the person I was engaging in sexual activities with. Or so I thought. My senior year I was involved with a friend of mine who had always been dating a different girl that I wasn't so fond of. But, that didn't stop me because I started to really like this kid. We would go out, get drunk, have sex and I would wake up the next morning and not remember anything. That was okay, though... Right? Wrong. After rumors flew of a "sex tape" my boyfriend and I had supposedly made, things went downhill... Fast. We broke up, he went back to his ex-girlfriend, and there I was again, lonely with rumors flying. This seemed to be a pattern in my life, but I gave the rumors no attention. I had never made a sex tape! Until November 15th of 2013, when my ex boyfriend showed his entire class the tape, pictures of me and other girls he had saved on his phone. Not until a friend confronted me about why I had been "lying" did it all hit me. The next few days, the story was on local news, his mugshot was being displayed on everyone's phone, and my school had even put together an "anti-sexting" video to show district wide. I had drunkenly and unknowingly "made a sex tape" with a boy that I trusted. Someone who had told me they loved me over and over again. Someone who was a friend. The worst part is that even though this boy was charged with Sexual Exploitation of a Minor to the 2nd and 3rd Degree, I was still the one being called slut, whore, liar, porn star, etc. He had completely taken advantage of me and I was the one being blamed for his arrest. This has haunted me to this day and I will always feel some sort of guilt for what happened, because I never wanted to get him into any sort of legal trouble. I was completely unaware of what had even happened. I wanted to share my story, because sex shaming is something that needs to be addressed and every woman who has faced this issue deserves to be heard. We stand together. - Stevie Little
I'm only 16 now, and I still have a ton to learn about life, but I think I've learned all that there is to learn about sexual harassment. So far, I've grown up in a broken household. My father came to the table with a child that he had already had at 16. My parents divorced when I was three, six months after having my little brother, and cannot for the life of them get along. Through me, they would try to regain power over one another. I was the victim of my parents' divorce. Now, I know, they both thought they were doing the right thing. Mother protected me from father and father protected me from mother, but that doesn't justify your actions. My mother met a man who ended up being a terrible alcoholic. My youngest brother was a product of that disaster of a relationship. My father however, remarried. And then divorced. And recently remarried again. I have no problem with my new stepmother. It's just... I don't... know her. She kind of showed up one day. Growing up so far, I've been pretty artsy. And when I wanted the sketch book and art kit set, my brother got it for his birthday. When I told everyone I was going to grow up to go to Julliard School of Acting, my mother told me it wasn't enough. I never ended up taking the classes I wanted to. My older brother has never been around much. When he was 17, and I was 9, I met his girlfriend. She was naked in his bed. It didn't really bother me much. On Christmas of my 7th grade year, I ended up going out with a boy who, for all intents and purposes, will be named Leo. He was really nice to me, and I lied to my mother about where I was going to be so that I could go to his house and just make out. But he really wanted more. There were several occasions where he would try to rip my shirt off, or touch my boobs or get into my pants. Mind you, I was 11 years old. I was scared out of my mind. He would show up at my house and take me back to his, or tie me to his bed and try to rape me. Thank god he never did, but he hurt me pretty bad. When I would refuse to put out, he would slap me. Or grab me so hard it would leave hand prints, pull my hair, and he had even broken several bones in my fingers and fractured my ribs. I thought that was what men expected. Sex. And only sex. I wish someone had told me differently. I think it was because of him that I ended up self harming and doing a lot of drugs. No fear, I have gotten help for it. (However, anyone experiencing feelings of depression or thoughts of suicide or self harm, please contact a suicide hotline or tell a trusted adult and get help.) When I finally got the guts to tell him to "fuck off" a year and a half of this torture later, I had already cheated on him several times. And I never held a solid relationship after that. I had many "hook ups," but never a boyfriend. This got me the name "slut." Or "whore." Everyone had their theory, that I paid for it. That they paid for me. And so on. Just after I broke up with him, I started basically living with another guy at 12 years old, who started doing the same thing that Leo did to me. I don't know why I never told anybody. By the time it was too late to do anything about it, I told a school guidance counselor. I went under intensive therapy for 3 years, and I'm still going through some flashback moments. My very best friend had broken up with his girlfriend at the end of ninth grade. And two days later, he kissed me. I felt really bad because his now ex-girlfriend was my best friend, too. So I told her and she was cool with it. She even told me to go out with him. I did, but I wanted her to know that it if she wanted me to break up with him, I would. A week later every single friend that I might've once had or would've had, disappeared. She told them lies about me. I tried really hard to make it up to them, whatever I had done wrong. But they wouldn't buy anything I tried to say. They even tried to get me to kill myself by sending me nasty messages on Facebook and asking me if I would please, ever so kindly go kill myself because nobody wants a whore around to ruin people's lives. I ended up going to intensive therapy for that, too. Me and the girl have since "made up," but I don't think that we could ever be the same. I've not had a friend in almost two years, and I'm still dating her ex-boyfriend. He knows the story and is very understanding when it comes to my fear of guys and anger in general. I still flinch when someone moves too fast, and it's kind of upsetting. I think it shaped me to be the person that I am today. However horrible the experience, I've made it through and am still working through it. I think I may be for the rest of my life. I just wanted to share my story for the younger girls out there.
I'm just glad I stopped before it got too out of hand, because some girls weren't as lucky as me.10/15/2019
Hi. My name is Kyra and I'm 15 years old. My story starts when I was in the 6th grade. (I'm changing the names of all the kids in this story.) I had just started dating my first boyfriend, Joe. You see, the only reason Joe liked me was because he saw a video of me singing online and he also thought I was pretty. And of course me being 11 at the time, having a boyfriend sounded like a dream come true to me. I was infatuated with the idea of him liking me. So, when he asked me out I accepted. (Also, Joe was extremely popular and I was not. So there are plenty of reasons why he was appealing to me.) We were at a school dance and all of his popular friends were joking around with me. To them I was like an alien. I had no idea of their way of life. The kids kept shouting things like "Hold hands!" Or "Hug! Hug!" And of course these things were harmless, until someone shouted "Kiss him!" Now this was my first kiss, so I was extremely nervous. But as for Joe, he had a bit of a reputation that I did not know about at the time. So, thanks to a little friend called peer pressure, I did. And little did I know I would regret it more than I could imagine. People kept shouting at me, so I wound up kissing him multiple times in front of everyone. And the next morning I woke up to pictures and videos of us kissing on the internet. Everyone knew who I was and everyone knew what I was known for. I was 'The Chick That Kissed Joe' or one of the following 'Slut, Whore, Bitch, Hooker' and many more. Not a day went by during the 6th grade that someone brought up what happened that night. The only person I confided in was my older sister. She told me the same thing happened to her in middle school. I found that many girls have been victimized by something similar. I'm just glad I stopped before it got too out of hand, because some girls weren't as lucky as me. But like always, time went on and people started to forget. But I will never forget the valuable lesson I learned that night. I wanted to share my story so we can help girls protect themselves.
I thought this year would be better, but it's worse. I hardly knew anyone at Secondary school. At first. I would hang out with Rowan usually, since I met her outside of school and we both didn't know many people. Then slowly as the weeks passed, I made lots of friends, true and fake, and introduced them to Rowan. Months later, our roles have reversed. Then the cyber bullying started. Around this point, I lost most of my girl mates, because they thought I was attention-seeking, so I made a lot of guy friends. Girls 2 years older than me would tell me I was attention-seeking, post stuff about me on Facebook, get their friends involved too, and as they were popular and older, I couldn't do anything. Then people I didn't even know told me to go die and that my parents didn't love me, I was fat, ugly, unloved, poor, a slag, a bitch, a hoe, etc. etc. Then my parents found out and reported them to the police, they left me alone afterwards. I started self harming in November because I was different, and because I felt I was being used and that I was a slag. Because in the previous summer holidays, my friends persuaded me into flashing my boobs on camera to strangers on a website. I felt like I a slut. Then this year, after multiple short relationships with guys I didn't like in that way, I found a guy (Robb) who made me smile, who made me love myself, but it sorrowfully ended. After our on and off relationships, whilst I fancied/dated him, I had a thing for several of his mates. Some of them were dating my best mates. I felt like I was a fake friend and that I was a slut too. Robb told me he loved me and tried persuading me to send him nude pictures of myself and to have sex with him. Because I thought it was love, I said yes. But I didn't send him pictures since I was on my ancient laptop. We had planned to have sex on a camping trip with our two friends who were dating (Declan and Rowan). But since he called me a hoe and fell out with me, sex never happened either. And he obviously told all his friends about our little conversation. Because I had developed faster than most of my mates I was already a C cup, nearly a D cup, whilst most of my friends were B or A. So I obviously became an object of sexual interest to many guys, including older guys. Year 9 guys would message me saying that I had a nice pair, etc. Then another ex, Joseph, asked me for pictures and sex, persuading (but failing) me with, "I'll be a good shag" & "it'll just be two best friends losing their virginity to each other". Then came the sexual touching. He would run up to me and squeeze my boobs against my will or spank me without my permission, in front of his friends of course, or touch me under the table in our lessons together. My next boyfriend, Ben, asked for a camping trip, exactly what Robb said, and I knew he wanted to coerce me into f*cking him. He told all of his mates I would do things with him and I had already done things with him, but a) I didn't plan on doing things with him & b) I hadn't done ANYTHING with him. I feel as if thanks to Robb, I won't find another guy who likes me for me, not for my boobs or for sex. Then yesterday this 14 year old guy from my older friend's primary school added me on Snapchat. He thinks I'm 14 when I'm actually 12. He is constantly asking for pictures. I have never met him in my entire life. My other friend (Ann) has told me people will think I'm a slag and I know most of my friends think it too, but they're just too nice to say so. Ever since Robb, I have been having flings with guys, leading them on, especially his mates or guys he didn't like me hanging out with, because he hurt me and despite that, I irrationally miss him. When I walk in the street, constantly guys look at my cleavage, even grown men. And my parents even think I'm a slut, my mom thinks I use Snapchat to send nudes, and she thinks my cleavage is noticeable because I made It noticeable. I'm starting to question my sexuality, I think I might be bisexual, but my parents are god-fearing people and I hear them talking about homosexuals behind their backs and it isn't nice what their saying and even my friends tell me stuff that is homophobic but they say they don't mind gays. I keep thinking about suicide and self harm. I just want it all to end, the constant judgement, ridicule, slut shaming, etc. I'm also worried about my weight a lot, I've been starving and binging & purging ever since May. For 4-5 months almost, I haven't had proper sleep, I either wake up within a few hours or sleep at 8am. Also school is about to start within a week and I know Robb has set me up as an object of ridicule and slut shaming within his social circles. I'm scared the bullying will return again, just because I had a couple of sexual hollow conversations/promises and because of my multiple short relationships where I just lead the guys on. I feel as I'm a slut because of me leading guys on, and because of the sex/picture chats. I'm sick of myself. I don't know what caused all of the sexual conversations and perversions, but I could've stopped it, I could've told someone, but I was too scared that I would get told "you wanted it" "slut!" "Your clothing was provocative" comments. It's all my fault my life is like this. Sooner or later I'll lose all my friends again, and I will give in to their coercing and persuasion. I'm only 12, yet I feel so alone. -Carol Ann Lynn Note to the author: Since you submitted this account anonymously, I don't have your contact information. Please reach out to a parent or teacher for help immediately. You are NOT alone, and this is NOT your fault. You can overcome it, just like the women who have shared their stories here before you. Judging from your language, I am guessing you're in the UK. Please visit www.samaritans.org and check out the resources available to you. I am always here to talk, as well. Love, Emily
This summer, I was super drunk at a party and I had sex with a boy in a bathroom. The only boy I have ever had sex with before was my then boyfriend of 9 months. I'm 18 and single. I kept the incident to myself. The boy didn't. The following weekend I was at a party and my friends began shoving their iPhones in my face telling me to look at Snapchat. A boy at the party took a picture of me when I wasn't looking and in the caption he put my hookup's name and called me his "slam piece". Immediately I looked for this boy who posted this. He disappeared. The surrounding boys saw the picture and were laughing at me. Some of my friends looked at me differently and I felt their shame. I ran to the bathroom and started crying of embarrassment. I've never felt so belittled. If the situation was reversed and I was a boy, I would get a pat on the back. Instead, I'm looked down upon as a slut. Fortunately, I leave for college in 6 days and nobody will know who I am. Sad that this is the reason I'm excited to leave this town.
It started when I entered the sixth grade. Everything was fine until the midway through it. I was known as a whore and bitch because I thought my friend's (Ximena, I didn't realize she wasn't my friend, she and her group only talked to me because they felt sorry for me) boyfriend was cute. The bullying happened everyday in every class, passing period, before school and sometimes after school. It didn't help that all 6 classes I had with the same group of people. The main girls who bullied me all told me that no one likes me, I'm too weird, I should leave because no one would care if I was gone. I tried so hard to fit in, I abandoned my best friend just because I didn't like being the loser and weirdo everyone said I was. That was when I thought things were going to turn around. I was wrong. After I got a boyfriend, Francisco, we dated for a while but he got really close to Ximena, and I thought he liked her more than me. I remember one day before P.E she came up to me saying, "Don't think that just because you're his girlfriend you'll be around all the time. You won't." It soon came between us and broke us up. He left me for Ximena and I thought I was heart broken (I was in the sixth grade - I was 'heartbroken'). I didn't understand why I wasn't good enough, why I felt worthless, ugly, weird, I didn't understand why I felt like I didn't belong... anywhere. I was alone and skipped around from group to group. I didn't really think I had friends. The mean girls never left me, mostly because I had class with them. I thought it would be easy to just get my classes changed. You would think that would be easy, right? No. I wasn't aloud to change my classes. I turned to emotionally bullying myself and almost cutting. I felt myself wanting to cut so bad because I had abandoned my best friend to fit in with the popular group. I came to my senses and went to her, luckily for me she welcomed me with open arms. Although our friendship didn't last like I thought it would. We drifted apart and I made a new friend, Sabrina (she and I still talk to this day). Things were looking up and I had a pretty good 4 years, until summer of 2013. All sophomore year, I dated a good guy named Isaiah. I thought he was best thing that ever happened to me. The problem with our relationship was we fought all time. The way we made up is I'd feel bad because I "loved" him. I made a bad decision and sent him inappropriate pictures of me while we were together. When school ended, we tried to stay together and it didn't last very long. He met a friend of mine Sadie. They became close and he soon cheated on me with her. I felt once again worthless, stupid and at one point I felt like I deserved it. Junior year came around. I meet Sean, in my third period Algebra II class. We started talking because I needed help with homework (so cliche). We talked over a messaging app KIK. I wouldn't say he and I were friends. Anyway, he and I talked for a short amount of time and in that time I let him talk me into having sex with him. I lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew. It happened one time and I thought that was end of it that situation. November of 2013, I got messages from two different numbers asking me if I had sex with Sean or if I had a STD. I accused Sean of telling someone what we did but I didn't find out until a day or two later that it was my ex-boyfriend Isaiah who gave my number out and KIK username out. To this day I don't know why. I don't know how he found out about that night with Sean, but I didn't care. It was so bad, the principal got involved and the police did, too. After I finally told an adult, the bullying stopped. Though it didn't stop me from feeling like a slut. I lived in fear from answering my phone, going online, anything that had to do with contacting people. I decided I wasn't going to live that way. I wasn't going to let someone run my life. I wasn't going to let someone control me. I am my own person. We made our decisions, good and bad. I made two decisions in my life I wish I could take back. 1. Sending inappropriate photographs to a boy. 2. Sleeping with my ex-boyfriend's friend, because I was hurt that he left me for my friend. Now I'm an incoming senior, I have two best friends and my cousin Diana has become practically my sister. She had been there for me since forever. They have brought out the best in me and I couldn't be happier. I learned that there's always gonna be people to try to bring you down but remember that you'll have people in your life that want to see you happy. So, I'm Jazmin. I'm not a slut, I'm a person that made life choices. This is my story. - Jazmin
When I was in primary school I was going through a very hard time. I would get verbally abused to my face, being called a slut, bitch, and I even got told to go and kill myself. I cried myself to sleep every night. I even faked I was sick so I could stay home, but even at home I couldn't get away from it - I was also getting bullied online on the school website we had, where we could talk to each other or send comments. I hated it. Someone thought as a joke it would be funny if I was with a guy. We dated, but then he broke up with me cuz he couldn't handle everything going on. He told everyone, and I was the laughing stock of year 7. I went home sick that day. This year in grade 9, high school, I still get bullied. I get called a slut, bitch, even get pushed around so that I had a bruise on my right side. My parents still don't know. I've come out as bisexual to a few of my friends. They accept me and support me whereas others don't, and there are rumors going around the school. But I have a lovely girlfriend who tells me it will all be all right, but I've tried to commit suicide 4 times. It sucks that I've turned to cutting but I'm trying to stop, and to stop throwing up after every couple of meals. So what I've leant from bullying is it ruins society and little minds. That felt good to get of my chest :) - Olivia Celeste
I wrote something to a guy via Facebook that I believe might have been something a little naughty, but I'm not sure because I was drinking a lot back then. A girl that doesn't like me at all for sleeping with her boyfriend got ahold of this message and sent it all over the Internet and now I am getting dirty looks and even rude comments from people and laughing! It's making me sick! I have 2 kids that need me so suicide isn't really an option. I'm starting to feel depressed, anxious and paranoid. Nobody deserves this!! I am a good person. I just made bad mistakes when I drank.
People often think that rapists are strangers in dark alleys; they aren't. My rapist happened to be one of my closest friends. He felt guilty, not for raping me, but for cheating on his girlfriend, so he told her we had sex. More and more people found out and soon the whole school was calling me a "whore" and a "slut" and tweeting about how disgusting I was. How was I supposed to tell my school full of strangers that I had been raped and didn't deserve the name calling? Victims should never feel more ashamed than the rapist. After being called these names, I realized no girl deserves to feel that way. You never know what she was pressured into or what she didn't agree to; you never know her side of the story. Regardless of if a girl is raped or if she willingly partakes in sexual activity, she doesn't deserve to be called a slut. If a girl wants to have consensual sex, she should be able to without being bullied. - Taylor
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