The girl who was my best friend for thirteen years told these people about my rape and how I'd "overreacted."

Today is the eighth anniversary of my rape. Some years are harder than others. This year has been exceptionally hard. I've always been the type of person to accommodate other people. So in the aftermath of my attack, it wasn't all that surprising that I let myself be talked into/bullied into letting my best friend continue to invite my rapist's friends to our joint birthday party. I'd bring it up, of course, how uncomfortable it made me, but to no avail. There were my tears, that didn't seem to matter to her. Because, after all, it was a party. And I should have fun. It was a standing rule that our party was an open invite to the world. It never seemed to matter that I had this crippling fear that my rapist would show up at my birthday. This year my friend decided that a girl was 'black-balled' (as she put it) from the party because she was 'an alcoholic who ruined her fun' at the party in years past. I balked. It was, simply, unfair. A child's word. My gut reaction. Unfair. Couldn't she see it? The ridiculousness, the callousness of it all? So I built up my courage for two weeks post-declaration from my friend and invited her to dinner. And I asked about her comment. And then asked if she saw any ironies between the alcoholic friend - and my rapist's friends. and she told me I was 'making her feel shitty.' That I was unfair. That she thought I was over it by now - and that she didn't think it would even be an issue anymore. She'd only invited me to throw the party with her out of pity, really, because what if no one came to celebrate my birthday if it was just a thing for me? When I said I didn't think I could continue on with the party after this year, she replied simply 'okay.' I sat in my car afterwards and cried for an hour, realizing that my friend had chosen a party over me, realizing that she had done it seven years ago - but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I realized we would grow apart after the talk - but I wasn't prepared for the fallout of standing up for myself. In the subsequent months, I've been dropped by our entire friend circle. Unfriended on Facebook. Unfollowed on Instagram. Outright ignored in public and no longer to invited to anything by the people I used to see multiple times a week for over ten years. The girl who was my best friend for thirteen years told these people about my rape (people that I had NEVER told) and how I'd 'overreacted' about the party. She was the fun one, after all. I ran into a guy that I used to speak with on a daily basis, who told me 'This is awkward. It's uncomfortable to see you - and I don't know what to do.' I'm treated as a pariah. No one tells you what the cost is for standing up for yourself when you're little. All they say is 'Stand up for yourself. Do the right thing.' But sometimes, you do the right thing - and you lose everything. And it feels like all you ever have is loss. I try to remind myself that I would rather be alone than to be surrounded by people who would put me in situations that compromise my physical/emotional well being. But some days are harder than others. I'm grateful for forums like these. - Andrea