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So I was 14 when I first had sex, and I thought it was amazing and the boy generally liked me. I hadn't realised the turning points e.g. he'd ask to be snuck in, get drunk, he'd smoke in front of me and never wanted to meet my mom. He blocked me on everything the night we did it and then I went to school. People turned and stared, yelled at me, called me a slut and showed me a video. I didn't know he had recorded it. I moved schools but that doesn't leave you, apparently. After, people continually asked for sex or nudes, all were answered NO. Then my mom started being off with me after she'd seen the video. I had explained what'd happened and she didn't believe me. Then at 15, I came back on snapchat and met someone that meant a lot to me. He didn't live in the same area as me but I'd met him before. He never asked for nudes, but at 15 you're exploring your body more. Masturbation is a fine thing and sometimes, I thought that I'd take photos, and I never sent them. I'd learnt my lesson on that 100%. About 8 weeks later my mom came in. Well, she had my phone, she knew I liked this boy and she'd seen my nudes. She then labeled me a slut and an embarrassment. I understand why she's angry but hearing those words from your mother isn't the nicest, I'll admit. I'm nearly 16 and that's actually the legal age to leave home if you wish and she said well in 7 months, you can f*ck off. -- Purdy
Yes I trusted the wrong person and I felt guilt when people found out, but I learned to not care.10/28/2019
It all started in middle school. 6 years ago I'll never forget. I was an antisocial nerd that just enjoyed video games and wrestling. I wasn't even sexually active. I only had one boyfriend but that relationship wasn't even serious. I was 13. I was in 7th grade. My story is probably one of the worst, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. So let's start off, shall we? I was bullied in the beginning of my 7th grade year for something completely unrelated to sex. I was bullied in my class because I was different. My uniform was nicely pressed and not trendy like the girls around me. They teased me because of how wide my pant legs were. They said I looked cheap. I was so depressed, everyday I had to brace myself for some more foolishness. Then another girl joined their little group. She went right along with them and she didn't even know me! Why am I saying this you ask? Because those same people "slut" shamed me and got the whole class to do the same. There was a kid in my class named Bobby (not his real name). He was mischievous. He always got in trouble at school. He thought that he was cool. One day I was in class and I bent over to pick up a book. He was gyrating behind me and I had no knowledge of it. The whole class called me a slut because they thought that I wanted him to do it but I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT HE WAS DOING IT! So the girl that I talked about earlier in the story, Alexia, was the first to shout out "Hoe" and the rest of the class followed through. It was a ritual for them to tease me daily. I didn't seem bothered but I was. Then my reputation was so tarnished that in April of 2010, a boy forced me to perform oral sex on him. His name was Johnathan. I didn't want to do it so he grabbed my hair and forced me. I struggled. He was then unsuccessful and threatened to tell everyone that I did it just because I didn't want to. On that day my life changed forever. Everybody including my big brother called me a slut. I tried to kill myself twice. Why you may ask? Because I told the guidance counselor and the teachers and they took no action! That was sexual harassment and it happened on school grounds. I was still a virgin. I wasn't promiscuous. I had no one to turn to. I looked in the mirror and said to myself that I can make it through it all. I went to school everyday. Slut was basically stamped on my forehead. So I wrote 4 books. These books were over exaggerated stories of how slutty I was. I made up fake sexual experiences since people wanted to believe it. I said that I fucked this guy and he didn't even exist (joke's on whoever believed it). I was entertaining the rumors basically because they wouldn't believe me if I denied it. In 8th grade those rumors stopped. Almost everyone that bullied me no longer went to that school. It was like a new life. I dated my long time friend (we lasted 3 1/2 years). Life got better. Until high school... In my senior year I broke up with my boyfriend that I dated since 8th grade. It was my choice actually. So since I was single I wanted to mess around so I slept with a long time friend that went to my school. He lied to me and told me that I could've trusted him and he wouldn't expose my business to everyone so I had sex with him. He told all of my ex's friends including my ex. My got into a new relationship and his girlfriend was spreading these rumors too, but she kind of added more to it. She said that I slept with all of his friends but it was only that one guy. I got into a fight with her over the rumors and ever since then, they ceased but I learned to never be ashamed of being sexual. Yes I trusted the wrong person and I felt guilt when people found out, including my ex, but I learned to not care. I am me. I am not really promiscuous but I love sex. We as women shouldn't feel shame for wanting sex. I was even shamed before having sex! When I actually had sex I was in my mid teens (16, 17, 18) and it wasn't with a lot of people and even if it was, I still wouldn't feel shame. I don't feel guilty that I slept with him because it felt great. I just wish that I could've trusted him. Please don't kill yourself. Please don't feel ashamed! Sex is a part of nature and both sexes are welcome to engage in that activity! Unfortunately for me and where I live I couldn't freely fuck guys without being shamed. It's my vagina, I don't need permission from society to use it. I don't need permission from society about how many people I can use it with. As for my ex, I am not sure if he actually "slut" shamed me but he was disrespectful for even telling his new girlfriend about a lie and allowing her to shame me. He changed as a person. He was such a gentleman when we were dating. Now he's just a horrible person. Never allow your ex or anyone to shame you! - Lynn Joseph
Okay, firstly: I am British and the school system is different over here: it's in years, like year 1 is 5-6, year 2 is 6-7, etc. Secondly: I was a child who was taught to be herself and 'myself' was someone who told on everyone about everything. There were 3 girls in my year group when I was 9, one was kind of my friend and the other was a girl (call her Sadey) whose home wasn't the most stable. Back then I blamed her but the environment she was living in can't have helped. My friend left to go to a private (paying) school while I was left with Sadey who was my 'friend' one day then the next she was something else entirely. People started to dislike me for constantly telling on them (fair enough) but when I was around 10 or 11, Sadey began to push me away completely. She began to spread rumours that I sold sex. At 11. People believed her and she told them I murdered people and that I would stop at nothing to get the best grades, then she turned my friends against me by telling them I talked behind their backs. Around the same time all of them mysteriously 'weren't allowed to play with me'. They began to call me 'morbid skank' and 'killer slut'. I told my mum but as I was always telling on people, she didn't believe me. Within the last few weeks of primary school I couldn't take it anymore and I felt like I needed her to believe me so I began to cut. I felt so guilty afterwards that I wouldn't sleep and I'd black out in class. Not once did anyone question Sadey as the cause, she hasn't been confronted. I hope her family life is better now, I hope she hasn't done this to anyone else. It was no ones fault, just that I had been selfish in the past and when I needed help nobody believed me. Now I go to the private school where my friend went, I've lost a lot of empathy but that girl had such a hard time at home it can't be her fault. It shouldn't be an excuse, talk to someone only when it's important and don't force yourself to do something like I did to make them believe. - Izzy B.
This all happened when I was 17 and was a senior in high school. It was about a month into my senior year when all of the "popular" seniors got together and threw a Senior Party. Me and my 3 best friends all attended this party together. There was, of course, A LOT of alcohol. Everyone there had been drinking. Me and one of the girls decided to go off on our own and hang out. We drank a little (not too much, we were by no means drunk). Some at the guys at the party were hitting on us and we even flirted back a little here and there. The boys kept asking us to do things to them and were being really pushy. Eventually me and her went to my car to go call my mom and ask her to pick us up since we had been drinking and didn't need to drive. There were 5 other guys that went out to their car, which was right behind mine. We didn't even associate with them at all. When we looked for my phone in the car we realized that it wasn't in there. About an hour after trying to find my phone my mom and dad showed up and they were really angry at me. They took me home and called the other girls' parents to come and get them too. Apparently one of the people at the party called my mom and told her that we were super drunk and that we were sleeping with all kinds of guys. (Which by no means was true. We hadn't even kissed anyone!) I explained to my mom that none of this was true and that all of those kids were just bullies because they were so "popular". She believed me and supported me 100%. The next day at school as soon as I walked in I saw all of the stares and whispering. I even saw a couple of guys making really inappropriate gestures toward me. When I saw my friend that I was at the party with, I ran up to her and she was crying. She explained to me what all of the people were saying about us. Calling us sluts, hoes, whores, and everything else in the book. They said that we had a train run on us by 5 different guys at one time... I was horrified. We ran straight into the bathroom and cried together. When we got out of the bathroom we saw our other 2 best friends that we attended the party with and they looked at us like we were completely crazy and made a big scene about how they didn't want to be seen associating with the biggest sluts in school. I was so upset that I called my mom and told her what was going on, she was so angry she came up to the school. All of those boys that were telling people that we did things to them denied it to the principal. I never wanted to go to school again. I started skipping class just to avoid all of them. Things eventually got a little better for the two of us.. Our friends apologized and even started sticking up for us, along with a few other people. I met a guy that treated me like a queen. He helped me get through all of that and always stood up for me even though he didn't know me very well at the time. He knew about all of the rumors but he still gave me a chance and never listened to anything disgusting anyone ever said about me. 4 years later, he and I are married and have a beautiful son! - Brooke
Wow, is this embarrassing. I would like to stay anonymous. My story starts roughly two or three years ago. I was in a relationship at the time, I was 16. I had befriended a young man in my class, we'll call him J, and we clicked instantly. He was the one I went to for everything, he was my rock. Things got a little shaky between my boyfriend and I, so I turned to my friend J for help. Along with friendly advice, J began giving me countless compliments, building my self confidence. The compliments turned into innocent flirting, and that turned into me developing a huge crush on J. I knew my feelings for J did not outweigh those for my boyfriend, but he was giving me attention that I wasn't receiving in my relationship, and I liked it. J made me feel absolutely beautiful. Weeks passed and J had convinced me to send nude pictures of myself to him. I did, and I loved the attention he gave me for it. We flirted and talked back and forth for a while until I became incredibly sick with myself. I wanted to build the courage to tell my boyfriend about my unloyal actions. I cut things off with J, which led him to telling my boyfriend everything before I had the chance to. I was devastated. My boyfriend left, as expected. After my relationship had ended, almost everyone knew about my situation. My pictures were sent around school, and they spread like wildfire to adjoining cities. I lost all my friends, my boyfriend, and my ability to trust. Months later, I was at track practice after school when a teammate approached me with her phone. My pictures had been posted to Twitter. I couldn't believe it at first, but it was there, online, for everyone to see. I couldn't deny it, my face was in the pictures. Everyone at school mocked me. Anti-bullying rallies were scheduled, and I could not sit through them without having every students' eyes pinned on me. I went home and tried to kill myself. I attempted to overdose on any type of pill we had in the medicine cabinet. I ended up throwing everything up. I hated myself. I was so stupid, I couldn't even succeed at taking my own life. I am still mocked. People still whisper when I walk by. My name is slathered on bathroom walls, and every now and then, my nude pictures pop up on social media. When will it end?
Reading your diary had me thinking a lot of things. Mostly about how I would be in the other situation, and it kind of resurfaced memories. when I was younger, I was the opposite of you. I had previously lived in florida, where my life was not perfect, but good. I was tall, slightly more developed than my peers and a nice-ish person, so I might've had it good if I had actually stayed. Then, in 4th grade, I moved to Jamaica where I experienced a massive culture shift. whereas in America, everything about me from my huge eyes to my natural cheekbones were greatly admired, down there they were shunned. The other kids would constantly make fun of me, teasing me and picking at me. I used to cry at least one time a day. That's also when I first developed an interest in science and started making poisons for myself. In 5th grade, it got better and I started liking boys. But they were relentless in their scorn because they upheld their memory of the weird, sniveling girl they once knew. It was a small school so word travels fast and where as in your case, you were either lusted after or loathed, I was either scorned or shunned. The first suicide attempt of a girl who was, only years before, a happy ray of sunshine, took place this year. By 6th grade I started to make up rumors, telling the girls in my class that I had a boyfriend, even when I knew I didn't. It was obvious that they didn't believe me, but I kept up the charade. We all went off to high school in 7th grade. Over the summer, I made myself promise that the suicidal thoughts would stop. However, the lies got worse because more and more girls were becoming more outward with sexuality and dating, so I had to play the part. Some of my old classmates were in my class, unfortunately, and saw right through my lies. I guess what I'm trying to say is, while you had it bad, other people were dealing with the exact opposite in just as bad a situation. I used to think that all the girls who acted like Emily wrote in her diary were sluts and that's it, but reading it has helped me to understand. I have made some real friends in the process of getting to know the "sluts" in class, regardless of my mothers disdain for them.
I am going to share my story of bullying with you. I hate to say it, but in this story, I am the bully. This story starts back in daycare. In daycare I became friends with a kid named L. We were both the same age and we played a lot together. We had a great time with each other until we drifted apart and I started hanging out with other kids. When I got into grade school, I went to an after school program run by the daycare I went to as a toddler. I didn't see A that much anymore, but I met M. M was another girl like me. At the start, M and I hated each other... and I mean HATED. There were seriously times when we talked about killing each other. It was bad. As time went on, M and I started to like each other more and more. M and I found out that we were really alike and we became fast friends. Around this time I started to develop a crush on my friend from daycare, L. I think it was in Grade 4 when I really started to have a crush on L. I would think about him a lot, and I finally got the courage to ask him out (with M by my side). L said yes, and I was so happy. My relationship with L lasted a whopping 1 day. He was my first boyfriend, so I got over him pretty easily. I ended up dating one more guy before I started having feelings about L again. Now, flash forward 2 years to grade 6. I was still best friends with M, and I was starting to become really good friends with L too. I had told basically all of my secrets to M, so she knew that I was obsessed with L. Then one day, L asked M out. I was pretty upset when I found out that M said yes. M didn't even like L yet she was going out with him. With time, I became accepting of M and L's relationship. I told myself excuses like "they'll break up soon" and whatnot, but they didn't. The pair was inseparable. This relationship was lasting a lot longer than I thought it would, they were dating since the start of Grade 6 and it was now the middle of Grade 7. I decided I would do something that I told myself I would never do. I tried to split them up. I started to try to split them up by telling M how she could do so much better or by telling her that L would look at me or grab for my hand walking home. It didn't work. M would just brush off all of the comments saying that he was joking around. When this didn't work, I started to go further. I started to say that L had tried to kiss me on a snow day or that he would flirt with me walking home. Now M started to notice. The thing is, M was pretty much the perfect girlfriend and would talk it out with L. Nothing seemed to work. Then I got an idea, an awful idea - I would start to target M. I was ruthless with my rumour spreading. I would tell L that M called him stupid, even that she never liked him (which was partially true - M had developed feelings for him by now). At this point, I should have just stopped and apologized. I should have turned away and admitted defeat, but I didn't. I kept on going even though I knew that they had both clued into my scheme. Again, nothing was working. So in a last ditch attempt, I told L that M liked one of his friends more than him. This time L payed attention. L ended up breaking up with M and I was pretty happy. (I know I'm an awful person, I have come to terms with it by now.) But, just like our relationship in Grade 4, that decision only lasted a day. I am thankful that me being a bully stopped by the end of the school year. I am now in Grade 8. M and L did eventually split up, and now M is with another guy in our class. I know that this may not seem like a horrible act to some, but you have to understand that M was going through others bullying her as well. When I - one of her friends - bullied her, that gave another crop of a-holes like me an excuse to bully her as well. The names that I called M sometimes still come up today, more than a year after the bullying stopped. I hope that my story both prevents others from bullying, as well as sheds light on why people bully. I would like to apologize to everyone who has been bullied in any way, I am thankful for those who were strong enough to withstand it, and I feel the pain of those that couldn't. Thank you. Sincerely, Moira
From the very start I used to be with boys and was not fond of girls. I hated to chatter about boys all day so, I found a special place in this guy gang. I was the favourite one of the boys, which made other girls jealous. They started calling me as a hoe and start to spread rumors about my sexual life. I ignored all and moved forward in life. I was in 10th grade and was doing perfectly fine when one of my friends asked me out, he used to be the crush of my only girl friend. It was kinda weird to go out with this guy. My friend forced and convinced me that this guy is a gem of a person and as a result I went out with this guy. It was all good so we decided to continue our meetings. I started feeling the connection between us and then the day come when he asked for my nudes (nude pictures). I wasn't comfortable with this thing so I rejected, this thing continued for like 1 month. He started to threaten me that he would leave if I wouldn't provide him with nudes, it was kinda my best relationship and wanted to save that but nudes were not my thing. One afternoon, we were at my home and were just relaxing and we decided to take our relationship a step forward but all of a sudden he got a call from one of his friends and he left. After 4 days we broke up and I convinced myself that he wasn't the guy I deserve. He spread rumors in the whole school stating that he had my nudes, my friends started to boycott me, people stared at me and called me a hoe. But? As I was aware that karma leaves no one spare, he flunked 11th grade twice, he used to be my senior and now I am his senior. To all the girls who are reading this? You're beautiful and you don't need a guy to tell you that, just play safe. Choose a person wisely, not every person out there deserves your attention. - Mugdha Dhingra
Everyone believes them and that's it. Period. There's no asking me. My answer doesn't matter.10/23/2019
During my whole high school career I had tried to avoid being "that" girl. The girl who puts out easily,who everyone hates because of how many guys she talks to and for some reason people think she has slept with everyone. Going into my junior year of high school, I started to go out and become more social. The first week of the school year I had gone out and got a little bit drunk for the first time. One of the guys there came up and started talking to me and asked if I wanted to go to his car. At the time I didn't know that that meant he wanted to do other things so I agreed. While sitting in his car I started to get sleepy and close my eyes. All of a sudden I felt him get on top of me and start kissing me and touching me. I remember that I didn't really know what was going on because I wasn't completely sober. Fortunately, he did not force me into sexual intercourse. The Monday back after that weekend, a particular guy in my grade who was there at the party and who I think at the time liked me, told everyone what had happened between me and the other guy. I have never felt so ashamed of myself while walking to my other class while this guy and a group of other guys looked and even pointed at me. It was the worst feeling ever. After that time I had gone out with other guys and it was a one time kind of thing, but they had always encouraged the idea of us having sex. I was still a virgin and they knew that. Of course I would say no, and they wouldn't force me into anything, but after a couple of days, there would be talk that I did have sex with them. To me, it was incredibly unfair. I had tried so hard not to give them what they wanted but in the end it was their word over mine. I also felt slut shamed because I didn't do what they wanted me to do, and for that they said that I did do these things. After a while I finally found a guy that I respected and I felt he respected me. We weren't going out for a long time when I decided, at the age of 18, to have sex with him. It was something I chose to do. I knew we weren't in love but we respected each other and that was more important to me. Before having sex, I knew that he heard the rumours of me sleeping with other guys, but I had told him that I was a virgin because that was the truth. When having sex, I didn't really act like the stereotypical "virgin". I wasn't scared of the act and I felt ready for it. After that we stopped talking to each other and I had found out that he had said that he didn't believe I was a virgin, especially after us having sex. It was another moment where I couldn't believe what was going on. Because these other guys just say that I had sex with them, everyone believes them and that's it. Period. There's no asking me. My answer doesn't matter. I want this to stop because it is very unfair that I get blamed and I even feel bad for things that I didn't do! It is an unjust world where in this specific topic, the girls are to blame. - Daniella
I forgive the people who were unkind to me. I forgive the people who judged and still judge me.10/21/2019
12th May 2013. The day I woke up naked in an unfamiliar bed with a cut on my forehead and an unfamiliar pain in between my thighs. I feel weird sharing this story because no one has never believed me before and I have always held myself accountable for what happened to me. I was in year 13, an outstanding student, a prefect and a virgin. I did live a secret life and that was the fact that I was drinking a lot. To the extent of me blacking out. But I never ever let people know just how dependent I was and still am with alcohol. Because I was done with my A level History exam, I thought it was a good idea to go hang out with my friend from school. All I remember from that evening is getting tipsy and laying my head down "for a minute to rest". I remember him laughing saying he was the better drinker. I woke up naked. And my whole body hurt. I wore my clothes and walked out of the room to find my "friend" sprawled out on the couch in his pair of blue boxers. I had a sense of strong foreboding. I had had sex. Unconsensual sex. He had had sex with me while I was passed out or close to. I was disgusted. I remember asking him what the hell had happened and he said nothing. I asked why I was naked. He told me he had tried to sober me up by putting me in the shower. I left it at that and went home but noticing that I was bleeding, went to the pharmacy and bought the morning after pill. I was ashamed of myself. I didn't know who to tell. I thought I had brought it on myself by drinking beyond my limit. But again, he was my friend. I should have been able to trust him, right? Nevertheless I didn't go to school the next day because I was in pain and full of self loathing. I wish I had because I doubt he would have shamed me the way he did that day. My best friend called and told me that he was going around telling people that "he hit it first" and that I was screaming for him and that I was tight and all other vulgarities. I remember telling her he had raped me but her brushing it off like it was nothing. It turns out that as I was passed out and naked he had called up his best friend to come over. His best friend was telling everyone what I looked like naked. It was all too much for me. I lost friends and the boys all slut shamed me. No one believed me. I remember retreating into myself and hating myself because I felt that that precious part of me was stolen. I had brought it on myself, or so everyone seemed to think. I had gone to his house with the intention of having sex. It's two years now but the pain of being alone in this has never left. I recently told my mom and she's been helping me through it. I have gone to counseling but it still doesn't remove the fact that because I was raped by definition, due to lack of valid consent (drunken consent is not consent). I have had a problem taking sex seriously. I started having more sex after the pain never left because I felt I was worthless and my body was nothing. After all everyone believed I was a slut and that I had brought it on myself. It is only recently that I met a guy who even though is not in my life that way anymore, showed me that I should not drink to be intimate, and he is the first guy I have been with sober and it felt alright. I am consciously working towards respecting my body more and seeing that even though I was raped and slut shamed for it, I do not help myself any more by shaming myself, too. I have forgiven that boy. I have forgiven myself. I forgive the people who were unkind to me. I forgive the people who judged and still judge me. And I am kind to those who are slut shamed because I know how one misgiving on your part as a girl can lead to everyone being nasty to you. - Mutesi
When I came back from being in the hospital to high school, I was not welcomed with opened arms.10/21/2019
It all started when I was 5 years old. I was in kindergarten. Kids would tease me because I was so different, calling me retard, stupid, I would just lash out and hit one of one the bullies because I did not know how to control my anger. So I was put in a private school. The school could not handle bad behavior so I was kicked out. I was a loner and did not have many friends! My dad abused me as a child with a belt at age 5 on up until I was 11, and with no dinner. As I was growing up I was out of the one private school and put back in regular school when I was in 4th grade to 5th grade and I was 11 and 12 yrs old. My next door neighbor molested me at the age of 11 for about 6 months and was never convicted of it. I never told anyone about it until years later. While that was going on I would mutilate myself with a razor blade. When I was 13 years old I was molested by my stepfather from 13 to 16. He never was convicted. While that was going on I tried to kill myself with a knife. I was kicked out of 6th grade because I beat up the bully and I tried to kill myself! When I was 14 years old I was date raped by two guys. One guy I knew of, the other guy I never knew at all. The one guy hit my head in the back seat and knocked me out and that is all I could remember. They both were not convicted! I was 18 years old when my ex boy friend abused me. He was a lot older than me by 13 years. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me across the floor, and took his head and split my lip, and took out his 37 and put it to my head and said, "You're mine." To this day I have a restraining order on him for life. In the same year I was going back to regular school (when I was 17, that is when I went back). I was doing okay, did not make friends well, I was a loner! I went to my junior prom in 1991. So in 1991 to 1992 as I was in my senior year, I just lost it. I was put in a mental facility for teenagers because I was still going to school. I just one day snapped, as I was out of control of what happened to me in the past and what was current at the time. When I came back from being in the hospital to high school, I was not welcomed with opened arms. I was bullied so badly I came home just in tears. It was so bad, sexually and other things, they called me Hotdog Girl: "I heard when she stuck it up there it broke off and she had to be rushed to the hospital to have it surgically removed," over and over again during my high school senior year in 1992. I had to be home schooled from November to May until I was at my senior prom. After that I went back to high school but that did not last long. Mind you, I was petite. I was skinny with big breasts. I was 109 lbs. On June 18th, 1992 as my name was called as I was getting my high school diploma, some guy called out and said, "Hey Hotdog Girl!" and everyone just clapped and cheered. I was so embarrassed, humiliated, and upset about it that I just decided that I will never go to a high school reunion. And I am now 41 years old! Only 3 people said they were sorry but the rest, no! On July 28th, 2010 I was getting bullied by a 30 year old female. Calling me all kinds of names, she struck me on the side of my neck with a closed fist and damaged my neck (called a brachial plexus injury). I will wear a splint on my left side of my wrist for the rest of my life. All because I was sticking up for myself and I was avoiding a fight to walk away! And justice was never served. - Jen
The past two days I have felt belittled by peers because of my intolerance of "slut" shaming. I go to an all-girls Catholic school, which is very conservative. I am enrolled in a course called "Catholic ethics." In this course we talk about the pros and cons of many controversial subjects. The subjects we discuss include the death penalty, abortion, gender, sexuality, etc. Yesterday my teacher brought up the subject of glorifying abusive relationships, specifically she was talking about "50 Shades of Grey." Everyone in my class is a senior in high school and is 18 years old or will be turning 18 by the end of the year. Most people have either read the books or seen the movie. Recently a large amount of girls at my school got in a lot of trouble for going to a party called "CEOs and office hoes." Personally I was not in attendance. Although I didn't go many of my friends in my ethics class went and got in trouble by the school. My ethics teacher brought this party up in class and began to talk about how as young women we must love ourselves, and it does not look like we love ourselves when we dress as an "office hoe." She also began to speak about a girl who prostituted her body to pay for college and she didn't want it to happen to us. She also said something along the lines of, "If you go around having sex you don't love yourself." She also began to speak about how awful the party, "50 Shades of Grey," and meaningless sex was. Many of the girls in the class were not virgins, loved 50 Shades of Grey, or went to the party. The teacher's initial point about glorifying abusive relationships was valid, however other points were not okay. I am not a virgin, and I like "50 Shades of Grey," and when she spoke she made me feel ashamed of who I was and what I liked. I'm 18 years old and I have made my own decisions and she made me feel lesser than other people who waited to have sex. She made many girls in my class feel uncomfortable and ashamed because they attended the party even though they had fun. A lot of girls in the class began to feel ashamed for decisions they made that they previously didn't feel shame about (me included). After she spoke I shot my hand up and when I was called on I said something along the lines of, "'Slut' shaming is a real thing and just because you have sex doesn't mean you don't love your self. I'm sure many girls in this room feel ashamed because they went to that party and are not virgins. Even though they made decisions that you don't agree with, doesn't mean they are bad people." Then the teacher started to apologize and back track, talking about how "CEOs and office hoes" glorifies "50 Shades of Grey" and how people shouldn't strive for abusive relationships and how she wants us all to be safe. After she said this, many girls in my class spoke up and I felt personally attacked after I was vulnerable and shared my true opinion. I was told that I was in the wrong, I was offensive, the teacher did nothing wrong, "slut" shaming doesn't even apply, people make the decision to have sex and they have to deal with the repercussions of it, I was rude, and my personal favorite: "Why did you bring this up, it's not guys' fault for doing the things if we dress like office hoes." Reminder, this is an ALL GIRLS school. Young females reacted this way when another girl (me) brought up a prominent issue that all girls should be aware of. After we talked about that in class, girls began to talk outside of class and make statements along these lines: it's so slutty having sex, you shouldn't have casual sex, did you hear she got herpes from doing oral, she is such a dirty virgin, she doesn't even count as a virgin, only really slutty girls give head, ew I can't believe people think it's okay to have one night stands in high school. When I heard these things I felt awful, I started to cry and couldn't believe what was being said after I tried to stand up for what I believed in. I felt so ashamed for my beliefs and my actions until I realized that I was being "slut" shamed for talking about "slut" shaming at an all girls school. The irony of the situation has become so frustrating and it's come to the point where I can only talk about this with a few girls to avoid getting attacked. I think this needs to be addressed, I am afraid to say something again, and so many girls are so naive about the situation that it worries me. Education about "slut" shaming needs to become more clear and accessible to young women, and I want to help spread awareness about such an important issue. - Erin A.
I have always been a very sexual person, ever since my mom first told me about sex (when I was in kindergarten). My mom's one of those spiritual, earthy, I guess you could say hippie moms. She protested the Vietnam war and all that jazz. So she was very open when it came to sex. It was a natural, beautiful thing that should be done all the time. I was raised that it was healthy to have sex a lot, as long as you were protected. So when I was 14 I experienced foreplay for the first time. Rumors started to go all around town, I live in a small town by the way, about how "Katie got fisted!" Or "He stuck his entire fist up her!" I cried and cried, but didn't want to tell my mom because, well, I was 14 and I was shy and embarrassed. Now the rumors weren't true, but as I gradually progressed so did they. I had experienced lust and I wanted more. I lost my virginity when I turned 15. The big time word for slut in our town at the time was, "trout," and of course since my last name started with a 'T,' I had the nickname, "Katie trout." Still to this day (I am almost 21 now) people will ask me if my last name is trout. I started to dabble in drugs. First marijuana, then ecstasy, followed by cocaine. When I turned 16 I went to a rehab/behavioral center called Provo Canyon School for 10 months. Every time I got to go on a visit with my family I would text this guy that I had a crush on. Now, having just turned 17, and having been locked in an all girls facility for 10 months, I was dying for some male attention but I had a bad feeling. I get a phone call from this kid at 3am saying, "Hey I'm right down the street, wanna smoke a bowl?" So I walked down there and he was belligerently drunk. He asked if I wanted to have sex and only having had sex a few times, I declined. So he grabbed me and threw me in a bent over position. I tried to get up but he kept throwing my head down and it kept hitting a concrete brick. So I gave up. I got anal raped that night. After that my drug use spiraled out of control. I began to smoke methamphetamines daily just to forget what had happened. How I was violated. At this point I was 18. I went to another rehab/mental hospital. What they call dual diagnosis programs. I have bipolar and severe PTSD, and was self medicating with the crystal meth. Eventually I got out and ended up going to an amazing high school called North County Academy, which is basically a school for kids on probation or with severe mood problems or drug programs. I graduated in 2013, ASB president, a peer mentor, prom queen, and I established the first ever prom at the school. One day I decided, since I was doing so well and I was so stable, to contact my rapist and confront him. He told me that I was a dirty slut and I had wanted it and, "Go back to the mental hospital, Katie trout." That night I relapsed. I went to one more rehab, who referred me to my therapist whom I have now. She is truly my lifesaver. Now I am 20 years old in a stable relationship with the man I am absolutely in love with, I go to a outpatient drug program, I go to college, and I work at a residential drug rehab as an intern so that I can get my drug and alcohol counseling certificate. I don't believe in calling women sluts. Because we just don't know what goes on behind closed doors. We can't experience their lives, their pain, their pleasure. So might as well let them live the way they are going to, all judgment aside. - Katie Traugh
This year in school, I'm in 8th grade, they've branded a 7th grader with the name "The Thot Of The School". They say nasty and hateful things about her and they've started rumors about her. They've said that she's sent nudes out to boys she had recently just started dating and that she's given someone an oral in public. I know people who WERE her friends, now that they've heard she was the 'thot' or slut of the school, they go along with it and she now has fake friends who talk shit about her. It's bullshit how people decide to do this to people. Even if they don't know if it's true or not, they go along.
I grew up in a very small town in Arkansas. In high school I was always well liked. I was a cheerleader and a very advanced student. I always did my schoolwork, maintained a near perfect grade point average, participated in cheer, choir, and several other clubs, served on the prom committee, etc. I never got into trouble and I followed my parents' rules. I had a serious boyfriend from age 14 to age 16 and he was my first love. We did a lot of "making out" in those two years, and while some of my friends were already having sex, the Christian based morals and values I'd been raised with kept me from giving into the pressure. After my boyfriend and I broke up I was devastated. I spiraled into a pretty severe depression. I developed an eating disorder and became extremely underweight (72 lbs was my lowest weight at age 16). That's when my next boyfriend entered the picture. He was tall, smart, funny....and he did and said all the right things. Told me I was special and beautiful and bought me flowers and expensive jewelry. One night he picked me up to go watch movies with him at his house. My parents asked if his parents were home and he said they were. When we got to his house, I discovered his parents weren't home and would be gone overnight. I expressed my discomfort with the issue but he convinced me to stay and watch a movie with him. As it tends to do with teenagers, watching a movie led to a heavy make out session. He kept asking me to take my underwear off and was trying to convince me to have sex but I kept telling him no I don't think I'm ready for that. At one point he excused himself to the bathroom (I later discovered this was to put a condom on). When he came back he jumped on top of me, ripped my underwear off, and forced himself inside of me. All the while I kept saying, "Please stop. I'm not sure I'm ready for this!" And his response as he entered me was "Well you're sure now." My self esteem was so low at this point in life that I convinced myself nothing wrong had happened and I stayed with him for several months after this. He became very controlling and abusive...pulling my hair out, burning me with cigarettes, calling me a slut or whore if I dressed nice at school or anytime I wore my cheerleading uniform. I never told anyone about the rape or abuse...I suffered in silence. Somehow, I finally found the courage to leave him but his abuse and the rape left its mark. I went wild partying and dating several boys that summer. The relationships I had with men after that were all centered around sex and by the time I came back from summer break for my senior year of high school, everyone in school was talking about me and what a SLUT I was. In reality, most of them had had many more sexual experiences than I had, but the fact that I had gone wild and partied and started dressing and acting different made them think differently of me. The rape and abuse were bad enough, but now I was being sexually bullied by my classmates. I will never forget what happened to me as a teenager. I worked through it and attended therapy as an adult to keep it from affecting my sexual relationship with my husband once I got married. I feel that it has shaped me into who I am and made me a stronger woman, but if I could spare any girl from going through what I went through, I would. You don't have to suffer in silence. You don't have to be ashamed. My hope is that, someday, women and men will be treated equally when it comes to sex. That we will no longer be shamed for the same things men are glorified for. Sadly, we still have a long way to go. - Erin
The perky girl who loved herself slowly turned into the perky girl who pretended to be happy.10/17/2019
I couldn't wait to start 7th grade, gone were the backstabbing best friend and the horrible things that were said. I no longer wanted to be that quiet, easy to bully girl, so I became perky (without noticing it) and if someone said anything bad about me I would laugh it off. Till one person called me a slut for wearing a skirt. I had NEVER been called a slut so I was completely shocked about this. I had thought that the bullying was done. I couldn't tell anyone because I didn't want to appear weak and needy for help. So this girl continued to call me names "Slut, Bitch, Hoe" and soon I began to believe the words. The perky girl who loved herself slowly turned into the perky girl who pretended to be happy. All because of words that weren't even true. I am naturally skinny but this girl would tell me that I starve myself and that I was ugly. I soon developed anxiety and would stress about going to school. But one day a girl I never met saw the girl calling me a slut and a bitch. And went on a full rampage. Saying stuff like, "The only bitch around here is you." That girl has become one of my best friends and the happy perky girl is back and isn't leaving. - Zoe
Back in my hometown in Upstate New York, I didn't really have a problem with any bullying or slut shaming. Sure, there were a select few, but because I lived in a small town and grew up with a close-knit circle of friends, they protected me and never let it get me down. But when I was in my Sophomore year of high school, my parents told me I was moving to Maryland. I was devastated, as were my friends. To this day, I only talk to two of my closest friends from back home. When we finally settled into our home in the summer of 2012, I was actually excited to get a fresh start, to redefine myself like I've always wanted to. That was very quickly shut down within the first month of attending a new school as a Junior. Everyone else around me was preppy and very clique-y; they didn't want to accept the new kid who was very laid back and was more of a "T-shirt and Jeans" kind of girl. But none the less, I tried to fit in and started dating. Within the first year of living here, I had dated four boys, three of whom were younger than I was, and each relationship lasted no longer than 2-3 weeks because they bored me. I didn't see it as an issue since it never got past a kiss, I didn't do anything sexual with them. I just saw it as going through a deck of cards to find my ace, to find "the one." But nobody else saw it that way. I was labeled as a whore. A slut. A succubus that everyone had to stay away from. Rumors flew around school that I had blown this guy, f*cked that guy, slept with half of this team, flirted with half of that team. In my senior year of high school, destructive behaviors began. How could I have been a slut when I've never slept with anyone in my life? What did I do to deserve that reputation? I made myself mute in high school and began going to college part-time just to get away from it all. I drowned myself in school work just so I could have an excuse not to talk to anyone outside of my family. In October of 2013, a boy I fell in love with broke up with me the day of our six month anniversary all because I was "too emotional" and "he couldn't take that I didn't have any friends." That was my breaking point. I began cutting my thighs, slowly cutting myself off of food, and obsessed over how bloody and irritated the skin around my cuts were what I thought was "beautiful" at the time. My parents found out a month after and helped me stop, helped me to realize I didn't have to do this on my own. It took me a year to fully recover from all of the depression and suicidal thoughts. At that time, I found the man that I'm in love with today. He treats me like a princess, makes sure that I'm happy, and makes it a point to help me work on my communications skills (as you may have put together, I don't like talking to people about my issues as a result of the bullying). My point in my tale is this: It will get better, even if it may not seem like it now. I've been through it all. I know what it feels like to not want to be here anymore. I still have days where I get depressed, but I'm lucky enough to have a supportive family and a supportive, loving boyfriend. I am 18 years old now, and I do not let my bullying experience and slut shaming high school years define the woman I am today. - Miranda Cardillo
This was an era before cell phones so I couldn't imagine it happening in this day and age.10/17/2019
This is going back into the 80s. My sister and I were tall, long-legged identical twins in grade 9. One weekend, we had gone to a barn party in the country with a few older guys and friends. Alcohol was introduced that evening and everyone had a bit to drink. On Monday at school I recall sitting in chemistry class when the boy in front of me turned around and said, "I heard you F'd so and so standing up on the weekend". I wanted to die. The whole class was laughing and labelling me when essentially it was bullshit. This was an era before cell phones so I couldn't imagine it happening in this day and age. Needless to say it was bullshit, as that evening it never even progressed to sex, just heavy petting. The guy just wanted to become a self-proclaimed stud. It didn't really matter. The slut label held all through high school. In fact all through high school we were called the "twiggy twins" and our nick names were Moaning and Groaning. Our real names are Rhona and Mona. I hated high school. I tell my kids this story so they realize what lies and bad choices you can get yourself into. I also recall later when I met a girl who had been younger in high school and became friends. She said everyone had said we were sluts, but at the time we were virgins, long after all of the popular girls lost their virginity in high school. - Rhona
I am 15 years old and when I was 13, a boy in the older year level at my school decided he wanted to show everyone a picture of someone's boobs he found on the internet and told everyone it was me. I found out the hard way. He sent it to people and then the whole school found out before I did. As a younger student of the school, I didn't want to be known as a baby and go cry about it to the teachers, so I kept quite about it and didn't even tell my parents. I felt ashamed, even though the girl in the photo was not me. If anyone said anything about it to me, all I would say was "It's not me." Not having anyone to speak to was a really hard thing. I have friends but I didn't want to bring it up with anyone. After time, one of the teachers came to me about it. They obviously tried to keep it under control, so I didn't take it to the police and get the teachers a bad reputation. To this day I am still waiting for the apology letter the school told me I would get from this boy. Nothing happened to him and he got away with it all. I really wish I knew at the time that I could have taken it to someone, because he didn't get any type of punishment for trying to get me a reputation as "the school slut." - Alice
I'll never forget the first time someone called me a slut. It was 8th grade. I heard whispers from the boys, the girls, and my "friends". That was 10 years ago. It's funny how a word like that can define you, or at least you think it does. It stuck with me for many years. In fact, 5 years ago when a friend was advising (read: judging) me on an enjoyable sexual relationship I was having, I straight up said, "Well, you've always considered me a slut..." It wasn't until then that I realized some people see sexuality differently. My friend may have considered me a slut from the time we were in 8th grade, but I saw it as experimentation and enjoyment. See, I'm from a small town, where the label didn't disappear when I went to high school. Though I had a steady boyfriend for all 4 years and only slept with him, the one time I made out with another boy, the label crept up again. Oh, and college wasn't much different. The label, slut, stuck with me. It wasn't until I started to embrace it that it no longer bothered me. Now, people can call me a slut and I don't hear it. Trust me sweetheart, I've been called that enough times that it doesn't really mean anything to me anymore. It's true, I enjoy sex (when done safely!). I like it this way and that way. I like it with one boy or two boys or no boys. I like the way it feels. And it makes me feel good too. It can be empowering for me. I sleep with people on the first date or without a date. I like one night stands and I like hook ups that last for months...or years. I can still count how many people I've slept with and usually their names. Even if it's a made up one, like "That Guy From the Bar". So sure, I'm a slut, whatever that means to you. To me, being a slut means sexual freedom and personal pleasure. Men can be as sexually active as they please, yet no one judges them. In fact, they are, for the most part, praised for this behavior. But when a woman acts similarly, she is punished with hateful words and labels. So let's change the conversation. Instead of punishing girls for being sexually active, let's make sure they're enjoying themselves safely. Safe sex is fun sex. - Ali
I understand what it is like to be called sexual names. I was harassed in high school by the boys. They had a very bad rumor about me. Guys even chased me around the school for fun or to flip my skirt. Even had a guy tell me how he pleasures himself and wanted me to join him. I have been touched wrongly. I am glad someone is putting the word out there and how it affects us. I became addicted to people saying those things, even though I loathed it. After high school I sank into a depression. I would not eat and I would self harm. I thought many times, "Does everyone see me that way?" and I wanted it to end. I like to think, what if the roles were reversed? Maybe they would understand we don't like being whistled at like a dog, or "brushed up" against. Nor do we care if you're on the little blue pill, nor do we like it when you chase us "just to talk" or pin us against the wall and try to kiss or touch us. Been there, it really sucks. I now wear a ring on my left hand so men will leave me alone and if they start a conversation, I twist the ring around. I had one guy say, "I see your married, that's so sad, we could have been good together. Here's my number just in case you want to have fun." This man was old enough to be my grandfather.
I was raised in a culture where women were not allowed to have any kind of physical or sexual relationship until they were married. When I was molested, my body began to develop faster than normal. I thought people would know that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Later on there were incidents where I was groped in public. In the winter of 2002 I went to Rockefeller Center with my family and a man sexually assaulted me. An undercover police officer had seen the assault and arrested the man. I thought that it was just the man's keys as the place was very crowded. I had no idea that the man was erect as he was rubbing himself on my buttocks. My mother had told me not to continue with the report because she did not want me to have a permanent record of the incident. At this point my mother had no idea about the molestation when I was eight years old. At the time, this experience made me feel like I was in trouble; like it was all my fault and I felt worthless. I slowly fell into depression because my innocence, my femininity, were stolen from me. I was robbed of myself. It wasn't easy for me. My mental health declined and I had surrendered to depression. From that point on I continuously fell victim to sexual assault - it feels as though these men know who their victims are. Although society is becoming more and more aware and disapproving of sexual assault, it is very real and very painful. It scars you for life. The truth is, it is a painful process, you will cry sometimes, you will wish you had lost your virginity just like everyone else did. But some girls who had a choice still regret it. I think women need to understand that they are stronger than that, they are powerful, that our bodies and sexuality are our power. We should never surrender our power to anyone. Even after being violated, don't think "Now my life is over." It's not over! What helped me gain my power was the power to say No! The power to choose my boyfriends wisely. The power to choose who I want to share my body with. I hope that one day my son will grow up in a world where assaulters are thrown into prison and the victims have a humane trial and get the closure they need to move on. If I could give advice to any young woman it would be: You are beautiful! You are pure! You are feminine! You control your destiny! You have control over yourself! Don't let anyone gain power over you! You have the power to love yourself! You are in control of your life and your happiness. And one day you WILL meet someone very special who will see you as a strong woman!
What's going to happen when the whole school knows? I'm going to be the new slut in school.10/17/2019
This might seem crazy but I'm pretty sure my life's is going to get much worse. There was a boy in my class, we were friends. Then he started saying "Can touch your thighs". I being the dumb ass that I am said yes after a while of saying no. I think about a couple days later he asked me for nudes. At first I said no. Then he started to get annoying. I said yes at the end. I feel so stupid. Three or five days later, the whole class knew. I remember feeling so stupid and worthless. I wanted to kill myself. People didn't talk to me. I was happy I got braces, because it gave me an excuse to not be at school. Saturday, Sunday, Monday I was thinking of suicide. Tuesday was no school. I got 12 different pills, a cup filled with water, and drank it. I was praying I was gonna be dead. I swear I wished I could be dead. I didn't really have friends. I ended up getting real friends. Guys. All the girls in my class are bitchy, fake ass people. Apparently, I thought too soon that everything was over. Some people were finding out very slowly. Today, I guess my guy best friend knows everything. He probably thinks I'm a slut. These other 3 people were asking me who I liked. I already know what to expect. They fucking know. They know and I have a feeling that they're gonna tell everyone. I'm fucking pissed, depressed, emotional. Suicidal. Hell, my best friend is ignoring me. What happened to best friends till we die? Apparently she has new friends. A new life. What's gonna happen. Today at gym one of my guy friends told me someone on his football team said, "I heard a girl in your class sent nudes, I've seen her and I don't have the nudes. I need them in my phone." I'm pretty sure as hell everyone at school is going to know. What's going to happen when the whole school knows? I'm going to be the new slut in school. I'm practically worthless right now. I got my phone taken away. What am I supposed to do now? Just wait for it to get worse. A new kid is coming to my class next Tuesday. I already know the FUCKING BOY IS GONNA TELL HIM/HER. I want to fucking destroy him. But I can't. I don't even know what to do. I pray and hope everything gets better. I'm sorry if this is long but I needed to tell someone about this whole shitty situation and not be ashamed of myself. - Xenia Note to the author: I don't have your contact information, so please reach out to a parent or teacher for help immediately. You are NOT alone, and this is NOT your fault. You can overcome it, just like the women who have shared their stories here before you. Please call 1-800-273-8255. I am always here to talk, as well. Love, Emily.
The most popular girl in the eighth grade at my school has lost almost everything except for her friends, and the only reason they stay is because she's pretty and they "look up to her". They basically wish they had her confidence. She can fake a smile, pretty well, too. But I know she hurts. She must. Everyone in school has been spreading rumors and calling her hideous names. And almost every popular eighth grade guy in the city has seen her nudes. People call her a slut because she has had a lot of different boyfriends. It's gone to the point where people are saying her sixth grade sister has nudes also and sleeps around with ninth graders! At this point, every person in the seventh grade has called her a slut, and some seventh grade boys are beginning to get the pictures sent to them. The office has already found the pictures and tried to stop this, but boys have just been sending them out anonymously and no one will tell on them. They are the most popular boys in school, and who wants to be known as a narc? I wish I could help her, but she only opens up to popular girls. She should know about this site. She should know she's not alone.
I was starting my 8th grade year. I had four friends: Alex, Linda, Anna, and Cici. My best friend was Cici. I told her every thing, I trusted her. But in the middle of that year I met a boy name Josh, and I'm not going to lie to you, he was cute and funny. We had so much in common. We decided to be friends. Everything was good until he met my group of friends. Everyone thought he was funny and cool so he joined the group. And things started to get bad there. All my friends expect Cici saw us romantically. The thing was, Cici liked him, but he liked me. Later in the year she wrote him a love letter and they dated. And he still had a huge crush on me. One night, he admitted it to me. Cici was pissed her boyfriend liked me. So that day, she told my secrets and called me a slut. And now people think of me like that.
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