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These experiences are shared by people of all genders and backgrounds from all over the world. They demonstrate how the issues of sexual assault, harassment, and "slut" shaming affect many of our lives in deep, often dangerous ways. Use this collection to expand your understanding and share it with those who could benefit or gain insight from it.
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SHARE YOUR STORY

You did not want to frighten your parents and thus cause them grief and give a bad name to your university.

10/11/2019

 
I belong to a conservative family in India where even talking about your periods is taboo. No boys, no movies, no pornography - that was the theme of my childhood and early teens (that rule is still in force). I went to an all-girls school, had few friends, as my parents are quite racist and passed judgments on others based on social background rather than intrinsic goodness. My parents were determined to send me to another state (within India) for higher education and after graduating from 12th grade, I ended up in a university in a big city. I was assigned a room in one of the dorms, which I had to share with 3 older girls belonging to other disciplines. I made friends with them, one of whom was named 'A'. She was from the same state as me and hence we decided to stick together. Within a week of my arrival, my roommates and their friends called me and 'A' for an 'introduction' aimed at getting to know us. This is one of those dreaded rituals for freshmen, as the so-called seniors can fire any embarrassing questions that you have to answer on the spot. One such question posed to 'A' was, "Do you have a boyfriend?" She answered no, and replied that usually boys were rowdy and therefore she preferred the company of girls. There were many giggles among the girls after this, and one of them loudly told me, between giggles, that I should not hang out with 'A' or I might end up liking girls, too! Needless to say, both 'A' and I were crushed at their cruel words. 'A' looked at me accusingly as it was one of my roommates who had declared her as a lesbian. And both of us could not protest against them. Freshmen who went against seniors had to face consequences. A year later, one of the girls in my class asked me for help with her studies. She was slightly disabled and belonged to a poor family. She had no cellphone, and therefore handed me a letter, where she had frankly written about her handicap, her family condition, as well as her request to be tutored by me. Out of embarrassment, she implored me to read her letter in privacy. However when 'A' and my new roommates saw the letter, they started giggling and declared, "Looks like a love letter, or else why would the girl ask you to read it in private?" I smiled at them but was deeply hurt - without reading the letter, how on earth could you pass a judgment on the sexuality of a person? The three years spent in the university were hellish - I encountered perverts who made lewd comments about my body and clothing, and occasional flashers who stripped before me abruptly when I was on my way to class early in the morning and vanished before I could call the university guards. 'A' told me not to tell these matters to my parents; it was part of the Honour Code – you did not want to frighten your parents and thus cause them grief and give a bad name to your university. And caught between "Good girls don’t get boyfriends and wait till marriage to have sex" and "She has no boyfriend and hangs with gal pals only - must be a lesbian," I sought the refuge of my textbooks. I could not spend the evening in the nearby park, as dangerous people loomed nearby (personal experience) nor hang around trees (evil spirits were supposed to haunt them in the evening!) nor use the washrooms in the park (gay men supposedly lurked in the washrooms of both genders and assaulted people who wanted a bathroom break!). The haunted trees and psychotic gays were of course rumours, but then nobody was willing to test these rumours and determine the truth. What I want to stress by my story is that a person’s sexuality is not a plaything. It does not matter whether you make fun of people on a mere whim - it hurts deeply. And if a straight person like me had to face ridicule on alleged lesbianism, one can only imagine the predicament of queer persons and transgendered people who face shaming. The UnSlut Project is one forum where I've found friends like Emily Lindin, who is willing to read into stories of countless women. So friends, no matter where you are residing, what your background or educational qualifications are - if you want to pour out your heart in a story, then please do so. Nobody is here to judge you based on looks and sexuality - we know what it means to be a loner, to be slut-shamed and ridiculed to the point of extreme depression. And if your gut feeling says to stay away from certain persons, then please trust your gut.

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