My mum says I should be proud that I'm a 34C at my age, but if I was flat chested, I wouldn't be stared at by boys.

Well, I'm 12, and I've had a memorable past 2 years. I would get bullied about the way I looked, everyone said I was ugly and fat and I basically had no friends for all of Year 5. Then in Year 6, I would get pinned down by these girls and they would yell at one of the other girls to slap me. I ran, obviously. I would think a lot about suicide. My parents were constantly comparing me to my friends and call me fat and ugly. Year 7 is not any better. I have started cutting, I've got a whole wrist full of scars, whenever I wear a comfortable top and skinny jeans, guys stare at my only just noticeable cleavage. Year 9 students message me saying I have a 'nice pair'. My mum says I should be proud that I'm a 34C at my age, but if I was flat chested, I wouldn't be stared at by boys. Also, there was this rumour that I had shagged 3 boys, presumably my 3 previous exes. That caused Year 8's and Year 7's to look at me in a new light. For example, a Year 8 walked past me and my boy best friend, who is coincidentally his best mate, and said to him, "You're in". It's stopped, *thank effing god*, but now year 8 and 9 girls slag me off, on Facebook and to each other, and I feel really uncomfortable nowadays about myself. For the past few weeks I've been trying to get ahold of fags (cigarettes), sleeping pills, etc. I feel as if I'm deliberately making my life worse for myself. With friends I'm fun and outgoing and we joke about getting drunk and high (we aren't actually into that stuff) and I don't know what to do anymore. Also my ex boyfriend is slagging me off, calling me a whore, when he was the one who played me twice. And I'm sure as hell I'm turning into a slut. Which doesn't work out for me since all the boys who are interested in me are creeps. - C