My mother still refuses to believe me, all the while actively trying to talk me out of my own memories.

Ever since I can remember, I have been the odd one out in the midst of my extended family. I am the only child of my generation to have tattoos, to be anything other than heterosexual, to express my sexuality outside of monogamous heterosexual relationships. My adoptive father began sexually abusing me before I turned 1 year old. When I finally came clean about this to other members of my extended family, they flat-out refused to believe me. Moreover, they made it clear that my membership in their clan was predicated upon my adherence to their party line. He was the golden boy - the one with the doctorate, the successful boy made good. They immediately began to ostracize me while adopting an external attitude that I was a victim of insanity, that my mind could not be trusted. My mother, meanwhile, acted as though I was some seductress whore who had fantasized the whole thing. To this day, I do not feel comfortable expressing my sexuality with men. I hate being stared at; I am afraid even to leave the house for fear of the flashbacks that come from my interactions with men. I have spent years trying to ease the hatred I developed as a teen for my body, believing it to be the site of all this pain. My mother still refuses to believe me, all the while actively trying to quite literally talk me out of my own memories. Though no qualified professional has reported me incapable of recognizing reality, she persists in her determination to rid me of my last sense of security - my trust in myself. Thanks to all of this, I have come to realize that I do not have parents - that I in fact never did. Rather, I have two individuals who I cannot trust to have my back or to take care of me. I am alone. One day, I know I will be able to ease my way to the other side of this. However, I also know that I have lost years of my life to events that I had no control over. Thanks to feminism, I am beginning to recognize that no one "asks for it." Women who wish to have sex freely say so; women who are raped are never given a chance to say one way or the other, or are not listened to when we do. It is not our faults. It never was. - Bekha Scharlach