It doesn’t make you a slut or a whore or a skank. And anyone who says those things about you is in the wrong, and needs to be corrected.

When I was in grade school, I wasn’t slut-shamed, but I stood by silently while my friends and the popular kids slut-shamed other girls they deemed to be too “skanky” to hang out with. I know that their opinions of these girls colored my opinions of them, and kept me from having what could have been great friendships with these girls who probably really needed a friend.

I’m not sure what made the kids determine that these girls were sluts or skanks or hoes. It probably had something to do with something that happened at a party I wasn’t even invited to, or didn’t even know about. I wasn’t popular at all, but I knew that unless I wanted to be really *un*-popular, I had to go along with what the cool kids wanted, otherwise I’d get teased and picked on too.

There is such a gap between our interest in sex as a young teen and our ability to handle what goes with it… and it’s a shame that schools aren’t more open with kids. A lot of it has to do with the absurdly simplistic sex education we get in our public schools and with parents’ unwillingness to give their kids some straight talk about sex. 
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Imagine if all the parents would be honest with their kids and say: “I know you are curious about sex. Let me just tell you, this doesn’t make you a bad person. If you have feelings for someone, it’s natural to want to express those feelings physically. I hope you’ll wait to do that until you are much older. Sex and sexual activity are things that are difficult to understand emotionally at this age. But just so you know, if you get caught up in the moment and go a little too far, it doesn’t mean you can’t turn back. It doesn’t make you a slut or a whore or a skank. And anyone who says those things about you is in the wrong, and needs to be corrected.”

I wish I could reach out to those girls now and tell them I’m sorry for not sticking up for them. However I know now that that would just be a way for me to alleviate my guilt and might open old wounds for these girls. They deserve to be happy now, knowing that those years are over, and I hope that they are confident in themselves and have found friends and partners who appreciate and love them for who they are.