I just feel like I brought this on myself, that God himself was so disgusted with me that he let this happen.

Before I was raped, I had been fun loving, dated a lot, went out a lot and enjoyed myself, much to the disdain of a large majority of my church community. After my rape (and still now) I don't go out a lot, I haven't had a relationship with anyone and I don't drink, at all. I suffer with crippling anxiety and it just makes it hard for me to do anything. When I finally felt comfortable enough to share with a member of my church that I had been raped, her first words to me were "I know it seems like this was an awful thing that happened to you, but can't you see that God's hand was in this, He brought you back to the right path." As I sat there shocked beyond belief this lady prayed for me, thanking God that he had allowed me to see the error of my ways. I already carried a lot of guilt over my assault, I had been drunk, I was walking home alone and it was late, but I was working through this with my therapist. Now I'm just back in the dark place where I just feel like I brought this on myself, that God himself was so disgusted with me that he let this happen. If I hadn't been so 'loose', so 'easy', this wouldn't have happened. I can't go back to that church, I don't ever leave the house now unless I have to. I only opened up about what happened to me in the hope that I would be able to further my healing, and now I don't think that I ever will.