I felt like a failure in every sense, and that I couldn't win or make anyone in my life happy.

I'm aromantic, but I didn't realize that when I was younger because I had never heard the word before. I justified not dating in early high school by saying that I believed myself too young to date, and then later by lying - saying that my parents didn't want me to date. Though it was a lie, it was a reality for a number of fellow females I knew, so it worked pretty well. When I turned 16, I couldn’t get away with lying anymore. I internalized it all, and felt like a failure for not having dated, let alone not having had my first kiss yet. I cried a lot. When I was a few years older, I finally brought myself to have a boyfriend - I had even put it on my list of New Year’s Resolutions, which I now realize as pretty sexist, thinking of a boyfriend like an object to acquire in order to fit in. However, just a month or two before he and I started dating, he had turned down a friend of mine. She stopped being my friend when he and I got together, and started spreading rumors that we were having sex. Most of the people in my life at the time thought it was a horrible and shameful thing to have sex outside of marriage. It hurt that my friend would say that, but I never thought people would believe the rumors. However, most of the kids did believe it, and most of the adults believed it, too. I felt shocked, angry, and shamed. I was made fun of when I didn't have a boyfriend, and made fun of even worse when I had one. I had entered the relationship hoping I would feel romance with time. When I didn't, being aromantic, I felt even worse. I confessed to an adult whom I trusted that I felt that I was being unfair to my boyfriend by being in a relationship when I couldn't feel what he wanted me to feel. That adult wanted me to stay with him anyway, so I did for a while. But I felt worse and worse about it. I even got suicidal. I felt like a failure in every sense, and that I couldn't win or make anyone in my life happy. I stayed alive because I didn’t want to further upset the people I had already upset. I finally ended the relationship, and I felt a bit better. I had hurt his feelings, but at least I wasn’t lying to him anymore. That was all a long time ago, and I am much happier with myself now. I don't think anyone should be slut shamed. Whether someone does or does not have sex, and whoever is or is not their lover, and whenever or how often they do or don't have sex depends entirely on what feels right to that person, and as long as everything is consensual, that should be respected. Thank you so much for The UnSlut Project!