Yesterday, a woman named Keli Byers published an open letter on Cosmopolitan.com called "I'm Fighting BYU's Ban on Sex." In the piece, Byers explains how upon enrolling in Brigham Young University last year, she signed its honor code, which required her to lead a "chaste" life and "forces women to dress modestly — no skirts above the knee — supposedly to help men control their thoughts." Because, as everyone knows, it's women's responsibility to control men's thoughts. To be fair, BYU is a Mormon university and, like most religions, Mormonism calls for virginity until marriage. That's fine for some people, but as Amanda Hess points out in Slate's XX blog, when sex is forbidden, sexual assault is likely to go unreported. That's because victims of sexual assault who do come forward are likely to be blamed for what happened to them. Byers herself reports being the victim of a rape at the hands of a missionary who had just returned and then blamed for her attack by church leadership. Byers is now a member of Young Mormon Feminists and doesn't see her faith as conflicting with her personal views and sexuality. She explains: "I'm a sexual woman and a proud feminist, and I don't feel bad about it. But it's hard to admit that, because women at BYU who aren't virgins are treated as inferiors and that's not fair." Like religion, the Internet can be a very powerful, positive force. But since this story was published yesterday, I've been really disheartened reading the comments section. Daniel Harris commented: "This fight against the sex ban at BYU is ridiculous. A girl (or guy) who feels victimized will always try to put the blame somewhere else. Sorry for your experience with the returned missionary, but it takes two to tango. If it really was an actual "assault" then there are procedures legally to follow, it has no business in the church." Chase Anderson turned to one of the oldest tactics used to get women to stop speaking up: "Since you obviously know BYU will never lift its pre-marital sex ban, this entire article is just an attempt at getting some attention." Many other commenters suggested that Keli should simply leave BYU if she didn't want to live by its rules. I have to agree with Lindy West, who wrote in Jezebel: "If I were Byers, I'd cut and run." But, as West acknowledges, it's just not that easy to leave any religious institution, and the Mormon church is notoriously hard to break away from. That's because the church permeates every aspect of its members' lives: friends, family, clubs, and in this case, school. Kudos to Keli and the other women who are speaking up about double standards and harmful practices within their religion. It might be wishful thinking, but maybe one day religious leaders will listen.
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