All I Want

This is a guest post by Taylor Hough. It includes a description of rape.

The author.

My name is Taylor Hough. I'm sixteen years old and have had a rough couple of years. From being "slut" shamed to being sexually assaulted, here is my story.

It all started when I went to my dad's house for the summer. I was fifteen at the time. My dad lives with his fiance and her five kids. The oldest one is seventeen and his name is Bryant. I've never liked going up to my dad's house because it seems like his fiance is always getting on to me about everything, and my dad just sits there and lets it happen. She normally gets mad about the clothes I wear even though 99% of the time my outfit is completely appropriate. It really offends me that she cares so much about what I'm wearing. It got to the point where she wouldn't even let me wear a bikini; I was forced to wear a one-piece if I wanted to go swimming.

Anyway, back to what this story is mainly about. One night I had just gotten out of the shower and put on my pajamas, then started taking my clothes out of the dryer. As I was doing that, Bryant suddenly came into the bathroom and closed the door. He started trying to talk me into having sex with him. I said no several times. He said that I "always want sex" and that I'm "that kind of girl."

It was late at night and everyone was asleep and my dad was at work. I didn't know what to do. He started trying to touch me, saying things like, "Come on you know you want it". He was a football player and a lot stronger than me, so I thought it would be best not to try to get away. At that point he pulled down my pants and raped me. He left and went back to his room suddenly, without saying a word. After he left, I sat there and thought for a long time. Then I finally left the bathroom and cried myself to sleep.

Ever since this happened, I feel really nervous around members of my family, even the ones who live at my mom's house, who didn't do anything bad. I have dreams of people who I trust raping me, then I'll wake up and start having a panic attack. Nobody knows about those dreams because I don't want to talk about them.

I think one of the worst parts about what happened is that my own father doesn't believe me that it did happen. Me. His own daughter. And you wanna know what the even more f*cked up part is? He told me that even if he found out I was telling the truth, that he would get Bryant the help he needs, then expect me to have to go back to his house and live with him with Bryant there. He also expects me to take part in his wedding with Bryant's mom... no thanks.

I want to be able to help other people going through the same type of thing I am. I felt like I had no one there for me but my mom. In fact, I still feel that way. I'm just hoping that my story will help other people like me feel like they're not alone. That's all I want.

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