That little voice inside my head would call me a whore and a bitch and I had no one to turn to because I was afraid.

Ever since I was young I have been sexually abused by my own cousin. It started years ago when I was merely 10 years old and he was 15. The abuse continued up until my high school years. No one knows about this and I am too ashamed to tell anyone that I trust. I once made the mistake of telling a boyfriend of mine and not long after he found out, he cheated on me. His only excuse was that it was my fault because I was a whore. He was nice enough not to tell everyone at school. However at home I was constantly reminded of what he (my cousin) did to me and him constantly telling me that I "wanted it." I eventually started believing it and hated myself for it. Everyday I felt as if I was going insane since that little voice inside my head would call me a whore and a bitch and I had no one to turn to because I was afraid. So instead I bottled everything up and I began to self harm. Years have passed, I got help and I am 4 years clean and he no longer abuses me but what he did is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.