Religion told me it was my fault and that my isolation and exclusion was my punishment for being sexually abused before the age of 6.

I don't know what happened to me. I know what I was told and I know what others object or deny. I was raised being told that I had been abused as a child. I don't remember this. They forced me to go to therapists for this, put me on depression meds and readily sent me to the hospital at any 'sign of emotional distress.' I wasn't allowed to have friends and all I remember from school was the bullying. I looked much older than everyone else and the boys would call me "milk truck" and punch me in the boobs while passing me in the halls. I never had lasting relationships and I taught myself not to want them because they would be undermined by my family to 'protect me.' Religion told me it was my fault and that my isolation and exclusion was my punishment for being sexually abused before the age of 6. I wasn't allowed to wear anything but long skirts and T-shirts that were two sizes larger than my actual size. They would cut off my hair. I never felt like a girl. I never felt pretty. I just felt like a victim, less than human, and never normal. I married a man because he is good and kind and safe and will never control or abuse me. But I have to force myself to let him touch me. I love him but it's not enough to make it easy for me to be with him. I don't like anyone touching me. No one in my family ever touched me if they could help it while I was growing up. I'm better now, stronger. But I have a terrible relationship with my family. They thought they were protecting me, but they made me more of a victim than my abuser ever did.