Because I was ‘developed’ and liked to talk about sex, everyone assumed that I was a slut.10/9/2019
It was hard having boobs and being poor in high school. My clothes never fit right and my distractingly large boobs were always visible to my classmates. Because I was ‘developed’ (in the words of my mother) and liked to talk about sex (what teenager doesn’t?) everyone assumed that I was a slut. It didn’t matter that I was a virgin (until I was 18), if you liked to talk about boys and you had boobs, you must be a slut. People from school still don’t believe I was a virgin till college.
This is what I’d like to share: I don’t believe the word “slut” should even be a thing. I don’t think “slut” is a thing that exists, ya know what I mean? A person who has sex with many partners is simply a person enjoying their body and the way it works with other bodies. As long as both partners consent, are respectful and communicative, and the sex is safe for everyone involved, that’s great! And it’s no one else’s business to shame anyone for that. Yay for consensual sex and lots of orgasms!
When I was in high school, I made a bad decision. I gave a blowjob to my friend “Rachel’s” boyfriend “Greg.” It wasn’t the best idea. But then I told one of my best friends, “Annie.” She told me either I would tell Rachel, or she would. I told Greg to tell Rachel what happened… The next day everything changed. I was ignored by my social circle and called a slut often. “Can’t make a whore a housewife.” I was treated awfully just for one mistake, but Greg was left unscathed and kept his friends.
I’d never even kissed a guy until junior year. And when I finally did, I liked it. I was studying abroad, and I came back more comfortable with myself. Well, that got me a lot more male attention. But having been raised as anti-sex as possible, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Now at the end of my senior year, I don’t go a day without someone asking me if the rumour is true. So yes, Internet, I did sleep with that guy at that party. Yes, it was good. And yep, we broke up.
I didn’t even have my first kiss until I was 21, and I didn’t have sex until I was 23. It wasn’t for lack of interest, but rather being in denial about my sexuality and also supreme social awkwardness. Thanks for giving another perspective—I still feel awkward about my repressed childhood. I hope your project helps lead to more normality around sexuality for all young people.
I think that this phase of a young person’s life is so often neglected, and yes, the boy craziness and obsession with looks can be annoying, but it is indicative of what young girls are learning about society. While in middle school, I was very similar to you. What strikes me as most upsetting was how I didn’t even really enjoy sex until I was much older, yet I still engaged in sexual activity with boys at school just because I thought that was how I was supposed to act. Thanks for sharing!
My junior year I went to third base with the “hot guy” from my old school whom I was attracted to, but had no feelings for. I asked him not to tell, but of course he did. Soon everybody in my old class knew, and I heard from a friend that another girl said she “couldn’t look at me the same way” because I had given him a blow job. This was the only time I’d done more than kiss during high school. He was praised for hooking up with me, and I was slut-shamed by my old “friends.”
When I was in grade school, I wasn’t slut-shamed, but I stood by silently while my friends and the popular kids slut-shamed other girls they deemed to be too “skanky” to hang out with. I know that their opinions of these girls colored my opinions of them, and kept me from having what could have been great friendships with these girls who probably really needed a friend.
I’m not sure what made the kids determine that these girls were sluts or skanks or hoes. It probably had something to do with something that happened at a party I wasn’t even invited to, or didn’t even know about. I wasn’t popular at all, but I knew that unless I wanted to be really *un*-popular, I had to go along with what the cool kids wanted, otherwise I’d get teased and picked on too. There is such a gap between our interest in sex as a young teen and our ability to handle what goes with it… and it’s a shame that schools aren’t more open with kids. A lot of it has to do with the absurdly simplistic sex education we get in our public schools and with parents’ unwillingness to give their kids some straight talk about sex. Imagine if all the parents would be honest with their kids and say: “I know you are curious about sex. Let me just tell you, this doesn’t make you a bad person. If you have feelings for someone, it’s natural to want to express those feelings physically. I hope you’ll wait to do that until you are much older. Sex and sexual activity are things that are difficult to understand emotionally at this age. But just so you know, if you get caught up in the moment and go a little too far, it doesn’t mean you can’t turn back. It doesn’t make you a slut or a whore or a skank. And anyone who says those things about you is in the wrong, and needs to be corrected.” I wish I could reach out to those girls now and tell them I’m sorry for not sticking up for them. However I know now that that would just be a way for me to alleviate my guilt and might open old wounds for these girls. They deserve to be happy now, knowing that those years are over, and I hope that they are confident in themselves and have found friends and partners who appreciate and love them for who they are. "It was a long time ago - 1972 to be exact. I was a freshman in high school, at my first house party when the parents were not home. I had had one drink (with almost no experience drinking) and was sitting in the kitchen talking with some guys, guys I thought of as friends. The subject of sex came up and I (stupidly) made the observation, based on ZERO experience, that it sounded pretty awesome. From that moment on I was a slut; and that moniker followed me throughout high school. It was a long, painful four years. My first name starts with an S so I was “S*** Slut” all thought high school. It was devastating, and surreal that I had gone to being someone who was terrified at the prospect of kissing someone to being a whore.
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