Parenting, Cock Carousels, and Empowering "Sluts": A response to the blogger who attacked me1/27/2014 Since I started the UnSlut Project about nine months ago, many people have asked me how I respond to backlash. The project has gotten a lot of positive attention, but what about the reactions of the slut shamers themselves? What about the people instigating and encouraging sexual bullying? The thing is, until a week ago, there hadn't really been much backlash to speak of. Of course, upsetting news coverage and devastating anecdotal stories constantly demonstrate the need for efforts like the UnSlut Project. But nobody had specifically contacted me or posted anything, to my knowledge, with the purpose of directing negative attention toward the project. Then last Monday, a blogger tweeted me a link to a piece he had written about me. (I won’t share the link or the name of the blogger because I don’t want to give him the page views.) In the piece, he blames my parents for the sexual bullying I endured in middle school, since they failed to “educate their daughter on the ways of the world.” Then he bemoans the fact that a pretty girl like me would ruin herself for potential suitors like him by being such a “solipsistic drama queen who created an organization dedicated to empowering sluts.” First of all, I agree with him that parenting is a big part of the slut shaming issue. By treating consensual sex in all its forms as a normal part of adult life and answering questions in a non-judgmental, age-appropriate way, parents can do a lot to counter the confusing messages their children receive from media sources about what sexuality is supposed to look like. We can teach our children not to slut shame the same way we teach them not to steal or lie. But since the blogger hadn’t actually read my diaries, he missed an important point: my parents exemplified the strict parenting style that is supposed to keep girls out of "trouble." I spent a lot of my childhood writing angsty poetry because I was grounded for lying to them or for sneaking out of the house. It was despite their parenting that I ended up labeled the school slut, not because of it. I was lucky that my parents happen to be highly educated, affluent, emotionally stable, and motivated – it was largely their involvement in my life that helped me overcome my reputation by focusing on academics, music lessons, and other means for building my self-esteem. I won’t respond to every ridiculous comment about my appearance and worth as a human being, but I do want to address one section in particular: "Now, I read girls pretty well and I don’t get a strong slut vibe from her. I could be wrong, but I’d be surprised if she’s currently riding the cock carousel..." Well, surprise! I am responding to this post from my perch upon this very literal "cock carousel," which I am currently riding. So joke’s on you. "... So maybe the slut shaming worked." This suggestion is the reason I decided to respond to this post at all. The idea that slut shaming can "work," or serve some positive purpose for a girl, her community, and society generally is not limited to this author and others who throw around terms like "cock carousel." In fact, many people in North America and around the world accept and even enforce the idea that a girl's value is inextricably linked to her virginity or "chaste past," as this author puts it. They see slut shaming on an individual and societal level as somehow helpful, rather than incredibly damaging emotionally and physically. This response is not for the sake of the author of this hateful post or his followers – it is for the sake of those otherwise reasonable, well-meaning people who don't realize the pain their assumptions and accusations can cause. So now that I’ve joined the ranks of women attacked for speaking out on the Internet, here’s how I respond to backlash: I use it as inspiration. For all his outrage and misogyny, this man proved my point. After all, he felt strongly enough about how wrong it is for women to assert their sexuality that he dedicated an entire blog post to attacking me for “empowering sluts.” Not only that, he was confident that he would have an audience for that post. And he thereby unwittingly demonstrated two things: how necessary the UnSlut Project is, and how much it’s working. People just don’t get that angry about ideas that don’t matter.
1 Comment
1/27/2014 03:41:19 am
You make some very good points and they are all very well written. The people who feel that they have a right to judge are almost comical. As if their feelings about someone else's sex life have any meaning at all. I guess knowing that they don't is what empowerment is all about. Keep up the good work.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |