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It's Not About You

1/30/2015

5 Comments

 
Guest post by Danielle Campoamor, pictured below.

Picture
I don’t wear the yoga pants for you. I love the way they feel, combining comfort and practicality with attraction and sensuality. I like how my ass looks in them. I’ll stand in the mirror and strain to appreciate the curves every inch of material highlight. I like how they cinch around my thighs. The shape of my legs has always been worrisome.

I don’t wear eyeliner for you. I don’t like the color of my eyes ­ a dark brown reminiscent of an unwanted bowel movement. But with the right accenting shade they can look more mysterious than mundane. I’ll spend an unnecessary amount of time attempting to get the lines somewhat similar, all the time cursing my unsteady hands and nonexistent skill. I feel more confident, though, when I put the eyeliner away. Even if, more often than not, the lines aren’t exactly the same.

I don’t wear that little black dress for you. I bought it for absolutely no reason other than how devastatingly beautiful it looked on a hanger. I feel sexy and desirable and positive; all difficult feelings to achieve when you’re a woman in a society of “less is more”. I feel connected to my body, proud to take ownership instead of silently shunning its existence. I don’t mind taking up space.

I don’t wear my hair down for you. It’s so thick and there’s so much of it, a long-­standing ponytail or fashionable bun can give me a wretched headache. I got it highlighted because I was bored. Sometimes I look in the mirror and want to see the changes radiating inside myself. If I got a new job, I want to add color or if I ended a relationship, I want to cut off a few inches. I like change. I like seeing myself in control of change, even if it’s as minuscule as making a hair appointment.

I don’t wear lingerie for you. It looks amazing on a model and amazing in the store and, with the right lighting, I think it looks amazing on me. I love the lace and the black and the intricate details; so much time spent on something so small and usually unseen. I love the excitement it brings me, hidden ever­-so-­cleverly underneath a pair of jeans or a simple shirt. I love the possibilities it provides, knowing that if I want to share that part of my wardrobe with someone I can.

I don’t wear high heels for you. I love how elongated they make my legs look, adding inches to my height and my boldness. I’m taller in stature and assurance, both obvious with each, sometimes labored, step I take. I love the different colors and styles and how they can fade in the background or accentuate my personality.

So when you call me a slut for my tight pants or my dark makeup or my black dress or my high heels, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You assume my wardrobe choices are for you. You presume what I put on my body means my body is, now, yours. You think I make choices to entice you or tease you or give you silent permission. You assume my sexuality and the manner in which I choose to express it, as if it’s a topic to be debated with your buddies over beers.

You think an article of clothing gives you freedom from your responsibilities and, what’s worse, you think that’s what I hope my clothes will accomplish.

When you call me a slut, I laugh. I silently wonder how one can go through life, thinking the choices of others revolve around you. I wonder how large an ego must be or a pride must grow in order to accomplish such a profoundly egocentric achievement.

When you accuse me of dressing to be “sexy”, I nod. I agree, because I love feeling sexy. I love my body as a sexual entity and when I feel like highlighting that part of who I am, I do.

When you call me a slut, I smile. I smile because you think it’s all about you.

And it is.

You’re what’s wrong. Not my pants or makeup or dress or heels.

You’re the problem.

5 Comments
Gerri link
1/30/2015 08:55:59 am

Emily and her team have done and incredible job with the Unslut Project. I can't wait for it to go to screen. This post is excellent and exactly how so many women feel. It is not about anyone else. It is about the woman feeling beautiful sexy and comfortable in her own skin without being looked upon negatively. Team Bossy Gals is behind her 100%!

Reply
Gabrielle
2/7/2015 07:41:30 pm

Thank you. Thank you SO much for writing this! I've had this discussion so fucking many times with so fucking many guys and for some reason the message just doesn't seem to hit home. It really pisses me off that they think the whole world revolves around them.

Reply
Gerri link
2/8/2015 04:35:49 am

It's nearly impossible to change people's ideologies. The only thing you can do is speak from the heart and pray a few will hear you! :-) Don't stop being you!

Reply
Julie link
2/8/2015 06:58:52 am

I LOVE THIS! As a woman who loves to dress in pretty/sexy clothes, as a woman who wears make up and red lipstick, as a woman who is proud to be a woman! And as a mother of a teenage daughter the unslut project means a lot to me....I want my daughter to grow up being proud of herself, loving herself without having to worry about what she looks like to other people.

Reply
Rose DaSilva Costa link
2/8/2015 12:38:14 pm

This resonates... We must never be afraid of being ourselves. She is #bossy and #Team Bossy Gals supports her all the way! Ladies, let your true beauty shine! <3

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